


We Never Go Out of Style

by TheAutotheist



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Artist Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Childhood Friends, Cotton Candy Fluff, F/M, Female Steve Rogers, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Sappy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-06 22:19:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4238664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAutotheist/pseuds/TheAutotheist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steph Rogers had this friend when she was a kid, and he was her <i>best</i> friend. Until his family moved away and he completely left her life. Years passed in the mean time. So what happens when she runs into him again by pure happenstance? Steph is faced with a second chance to see what that relationship could have become. The sappiest love story is what comes out of it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Steph sat on a tall barstool with her sketchpad open on the bar in front of her. Occasionally she would glance up at the stage set against the wall across from the bar from her. Only instruments were up there now, and even the bar itself was filled with very few people. It was early in the night yet, and a Wednesday at that. Which was actually how Steph preferred it. Friday and Saturday nights were her least favorite because the place was too packed and noisy.

She actually came to this bar a lot, though not for the alcohol, or the bands that played here, though they tended to be at least decent. Her best friend, Natasha, had discovered the place about a year ago and had egged and wheedled until she convinced Steph to get out of the apartment and come out with her. It was Nat’s favorite meeting spot. She would much rather meet at a bar than at the apartment they shared with their third roommate, Maria. The problem was, Nat had a tendency to stand people up. So Steph got used to bringing her sketchpad and waiting at the bar, away from the crowd. And then she realized she actually really enjoyed the ambiance. She didn’t interact much with people, and always shot them down when they came close, but she liked watching all the different types that came through the bar, from yuppies to punks. It was an even better way to study people than sitting in the park on a Saturday.

Steph adjusted on the barstool and pulled her tight skirt lower down her thigh. It tended to ride up her tights, but like hell she was going to go out with bare legs when it was this cold. She kicked her combat boots against the bottom of the bar as she rested her chin in her palm and looked around for more interesting people to draw.

“Need another rum and coke?” a voice to her side asked.

Steph straightened up and then smiled. She held up her glass and the few remaining ice cubes chinked merrily. “No, I’m good, Clint.”

Clint Barton settled his forearms against the bartop. He had on his typical short sleeved shirt despite the cold outside. He said it was cause it got hot when the place filled up and he was running around behind the bar mixing drinks. His short hair was spiked up like usual. He gave her a lopsided, slightly sympathetic grin. “I take it Nat stood you up again.”

Steph rolled her eyes. “It would be more unusual if she actually showed up. She knows where I am if she ever actually wants to find me.”

“So where is she now?” He tried way too hard to make his question sound casual.

Steph grinned in response. “You should really just tell her, you know.”

“Tell her what?” He straightened up defensively.

“That you’re totally in love with her, of course.” Steph’s smile widened.

“I’m not…” he trailed off a bit “ _totally_ in love with her.”

“Uh huh.” Steph titled her glass back and captured one of the remaining ice cubes. She crunched it between her teeth. “You know why we’re friends? Cause every time you see me here, you hope she’s gonna follow.”

“That’s not true!”

Steph shook her head, smile still on her face. “You should just ask her out properly. And not, you know, just have a one night stand.”

Clint groaned. “You know best of all how impossible your friend is.”

“Yup.” Steph patted his arm sympathetically.

“So cut me some slack.” He snatched her glass out of her hand as she raised it again to get the last ice cube.

“Hey, I wasn’t done with that!” Steph made a half-hearted grab for the glass, but he held it up out of her reach.

“You’re done with the drink, and I need more glasses.”

He walked to the other end of the bar as more people came in. “No, you don’t!” she yelled after him. “It’s a slow night!” He promptly ignored her for new customers. She settled back onto her stool and pouted. In about half an hour he would feel bad and probably bring her a new drink for free. Though it would mostly be coke. Probably a good idea, though. Steph was as much of a lightweight as one could possibly be.

She was tiny, standing no more than 5’2, and very petite. Nat was actually the same size as her, but she tended to wear shoes with at least three inch heels, so she always seemed taller than Steph. And for some reason, she could hold her liquor better than anyone. Hell if Steph knew where she put it. Two drinks were enough to keep Steph from walking straight.

Even the extra inch her combat boots gave her didn’t add much to her stature. Where Nat was extremely feminine, in a smoldering seductress kind of way, Steph tended much more towards comfortable clothing. She was fine with wearing skirts and dresses, as long as she could wear shorts or leggings underneath, and some kind of flat boots. She also usually had her leather jacket on, which clashed with most of the super feminine stuff Nat had.

Steph ran her hand through her short blonde hair and looked across the room. Once upon a time she had long hair, and then she cut it down to shoulder length, and then she cut it down to a bob in college, and when she graduated, she went down to a pixie cut, which was how her hair had been ever since.

There weren’t many people in the bar, but more than had been half an hour ago. It looked like the band for the night was starting to set up too. It was a bunch of guys with a kind of punk, kind of rock look to them, which meant they were probably going to play punk rock. If they came out playing pop, she would probably start laughing. The thought itself brought a smile to her face. So she dragged her sketchpad into her lap and started to sketch the musicians around their instruments already on the page.

As she worked, her eye eventually drifted to the bottom corner of the page. Most the pages in her sketchpad were filled with multiple drawings because Steph had a tendency to draw whatever she saw or whatever happened to pop into her mind at the time. She paused and lifted her pencil off the page. While the whole top half of this page was now dominated by the band and their instruments, and the bottom left corner had a few random people she had seen in the bar, the bottom right was devoted to a head in profile. Even from the side, it was clear the figure was grinning.

Steph touched the small drawing of a boy gently with her fingertips. It wasn’t more than a couple inches big, and was really quick and messy. She hadn’t realized she had been drawing it when she did, and had stopped herself as soon as she realized who she was drawing. It was an old friend from when she was in middle school. They knew each other for only about a year and a half before his family moved away. For a while, they had tried to keep in touch. It was before the era of Facebook, and kids raised on the internet. So they relied on the telephone and letters. But after only a few months, the letters stopped coming, and the phone stopped ringing. When Steph entered high school, she met Nat, who was her first real female friend. And her world moved on.

But recently Steph had been thinking of that boy again. She didn’t know what suddenly brought it on. But she wondered what had happened to him, why he had stopped sending letters. His dad was in the army, so they always moved around a lot. That was what made them leave, she knew that. But she had only been twelve. She didn’t understand the world of adults at the time.

What would he be like now, more than ten years later? Would he have changed much? Would he have changed drastically? Clearly her thoughts had affected her dreams, because she sometimes had dreams about meeting him again. These would range from picking up exactly where they left off when they were twelve, to meeting as completely different, unrecognizable people. Well, she certainly had changed a lot. She ran her fingers through her hair again and looked up at the stage.

There were more people in front of the stage, waiting for the band to start. Most were there out of curiosity. This band was super new and unknown. Occassionaly the bar would let bands like that play when they had no one else lined up. It was always better to have some kind of live music than nothing. Clint had mentioned that these guys actually weren’t that bad.

“Hey everyone,” one of the guys said into a mic. Inexplicably, he wore a bowler hat. It clashed horribly with his general rocker look, but Steph was amused by it. “We’re the Howling Commandos.” The drummer started up a beat, and yup, Steph was right, punk rock.

She smiled and went back to her sketchpad. Done with the drawing of the band, she flipped the page, past a page of more drawings of her old childhood friend, to a clean sheet. She focused on the glasses and drinks she could see Clint making. As she glanced up again, she saw a guy sit down at the stool next to hers. She quickly dropped her eyes to her sketchpad again and kept them glued there, scratching a line of graphite into the paper with perhaps more force than was necessary.

Great. There were several empty seats along the bar, and she was sitting in the one on the far end away from the stage. There was no reason a guy would take the seat next to her unless he was going to try to make some unwanted advance on her. Any second now, he would probably try to make some stupid joke about her drawing at a bar, or being there alone, or any of the numerous come-ons she had heard over the past year. Nat had this way of shutting men down with a death glare, but Steph could never look that intimidating. So she avoided eye contact and used the tactic of non-engagement. Eventually, whoever it was would get bored and leave.

However, this guy didn’t say anything. She didn’t look up and continued on with her drawing. After a few minutes, she forgot he was even there because she was so engrossed in trying to capture in grayscale exactly how colors floated in a Long Island ice tea. When she glanced up again for reference of the bottles along the mirrored back wall of the bar, she was almost surprised the guy was still sitting there. Fortunately, he wasn’t looking at her in that moment. He was watching the band with his back to the bar and one hand wrapped around a beer, which rested on the bartop. His foot rocked back and forth in time with the music, and he seemed genuinely interested in the band.

Steph took his moment of unawareness to take in his appearance. Black jeans, half-laced boots, black leather jacket over a grey T-shirt with some kind of logo on it. Long brown hair hung down just past his chin. He was actually extremely attractive. And he seemed completely uninterested in her. So he must have sat down next to her as a coincidence.

She shrugged to herself and went back to her drawing. The lines and shades of shimmering bottles of alcohol in every shape and size started to appear under her fingers, a reflection of the line-up behind the bar. Without realizing it, Steph also started to tap her foot to the music. Clint was right, they weren’t bad. She looked up after they finished a song and found the guy next to her looking directly at her. She hadn’t noticed when he was looking the other way, but he had the most gorgeous blue-grey eyes.

She felt a flush creep up her neck, both from her thought, and from catching him staring at her. He immediately looked away and then looked back. “Sorry, sorry,” he said quickly. “Didn’t mean to be staring.”

It looked like Steph was right all along. He was so attractive when he wasn’t bothering her. But if he was going to use this excuse to hit on her while she was clearly invested in her own world, that would kill it. She opened her mouth to say something along those lines, but before she could, he continued talking.

“It’s just, you’re really good. I just wanted to see what you were drawing. Didn’t mean to interrupt you.” He smiled, and even that was gorgeous.

Steph blinked in surprise and found herself saying, “It’s okay. You didn’t. And, um, thanks…” She squeezed herself more onto her stool and looked back down at her drawing. He didn’t say anything else, and the band started playing another song. She scribbled a few more lines, but was now very self-conscious. She tried to glance up subtly to see if he was staring at her again, but found he was watching the band. So she took that as a good sign. On an impulse, she started to sketch his profile, the way she could just make out his eyes through his hair, a few strands of which hung in his face.

It wasn’t that weird, she reasoned. Her sketchbook was filled with drawings of bar patrons. That was normal for her. Actually, was that weird that it was normal for her? She paused at the thought, and then traced another line around his eye. She glanced up periodically, but he always seemed to be watching the band or focusing on something else in the bar. If he did look at her again, she never caught him at it. That was, of course, until the drawing was mostly done.

“Wow, that’s incredible,” he said.

She looked up and saw he was looking down at her drawing of him. She immediately turned red, embarrassed for her weird impulse to draw everything around her, including the cute guy who sat down next to her at a bar and didn’t use it as an excuse to hit on her.

Before she could apologize, he smiled and looked at her. “You did all that in only the last few minutes?”

“Yeah…” she said slowly. “I have a lot of practice. I’ve been drawing practically all my life.”

“It shows.” He turned more on the stool to face her. “Is this what you do?” He indicated the drawing. “Go to bars and draw the interesting people?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Are you calling yourself interesting?” God help her, she was flirting.

He smiled broadly. “Don’t you think I look interesting?”

“That certainly is a word for it.”

“Besides, then I’d be calling my friends interesting.” He pointed his thumb back over his shoulder at the band, which was in the middle of a cover of some rock song Steph was unfamiliar with, but that people on the dance floor seemed to be into.

Steph looked at the band, and then back at him. “You’re with this band?”

He shook his head. “No, no. I can’t play an instrument to save my life. Just friends with those idiots.” He glanced back at them. “I promised I’d watch them play at their first official gig. So here I am.”

“Oh,” Steph said. That would explain why he had been sitting there so long.

“I’m James, by the way,” he said when he looked back at her.

“Stephany.” She glanced over at the band. “And I don’t go to bars. I just like this place. Like you said, interesting people come through here.” She smiled tentatively.

“Would you mind if I saw that drawing of them again?” he asked, pointing down at the sketchpad.

“No, I don’t mind.” It was so unusual for someone to be interested in her art over trying to hit on her at the bar. She flipped back two pages, pointedly skipping the page of drawings of that boy and found the half-page drawing of his friends’ band. She set it down in front of the bar in front of him, after making sure the bar top was clean of any spilled drinks or condensation. She was thankful the small thumbnail in the right corner of the page was too messy to be distinguishable. .

He picked up the sketchbook, careful not to touch any of the graphite and whistled. “If they had any money, they’d probably pay you for something like this.”

“Yeah, you can’t sell art to other artists, because none of us have any money.”

“Do you sell your art?” He glanced at her and set the sketchpad down again.

“If I can.” She flipped back another page. “Sometimes people I know will commission me. But it’s not much. Certainly not how I pay my rent. Here, look.” She pointed out a few of her more interesting characters sketches from the previous week. “You should have seen when this band was here.”

“Okay, that has got to be an exaggeration.”

Steph smiled. “Nope. Haven’t you noticed how realistic my drawings are?”

“But _why_ would someone wear that?”

Steph laughed. “Why do you think I had to draw it?”

He looked up at her and smiled at her. “Now I see why you do this. Got to be entertaining.”

“Mm, yeah. Sometimes my friend actually manages to meet me here too.” She leaned back slightly on her stool and crossed one leg over the other.

“Can I look through?” he asked, already holding the corner of the page.

“Um, sure.” She leaned forward and flipped past a couple more bad sketches to another drawing she actually liked. For some reason, she was really careful to skip pages with the drawing of that boy. She didn’t want to seem obsessed with a pre-teen. James smiled and seemed really impressed by all her drawings. She had to admit, it was nice to be able to show off her sketches without really being worried about ulterior motives.

“So if you don’t make a living on this, which, by the way, neither do those losers,” he jerked his head back at his friends again, “what do you do?”

“I’m a…” she hesitated and bit her lip, “well, I work for a graphic designer.”

“That’s got to be cool,” he said.

She shrugged. “Not really. I mostly handle emails and phone calls and getting coffee and setting up appointments and handling contracts, and… stuff like that. So at least I have office management experience, even though that’s not my title.” She rolled her eyes.

“So what’s your title?”

“Assistant.”

He chuckled lightly. “Yeah, that sucks.”

“Thanks a lot.”

“You said it. So is that what you want to do? Graphic design?”

“I’d like to.” She looked around the bar again. “And I’m supposed to, at some point. Hence the assistant title.”

“Well, good luck. You’re crazy talented.”

Steph glanced back at him and found him giving her a soft smile. She felt embarrassed again and ducked her head. “Thank you…” Without looking up, she said, “What about you? What are you doing when you’re not watching your friends’ band?”

James blew out a huff of air and pushed his hair back. “Temping, mostly. Just got out of the Service nine months ago. So I haven’t really found my calling.”

Steph looked up at his face in surprise. “You were in the military?”

“Oh yeah. Army. Straight out of high school. Stayed long enough to get a college education, all expenses paid.” He smirked lightly. “Don’t really look like it, do I?”

“Well, no,” she admitted.

“First thing I did when I got out was shuck the whole army appearance. Pissed my dad off to no end, but whatever.” He shrugged. “Some of them still look like Army-types, though.” He nodded at his friends.

“You were all in the Army?” she asked. She scanned the band, and yes she could see a few had crew cuts, or otherwise very short hair, and tended towards tan and dark green tones. James really did stand out compared to them.

“Yeah. Our unit was called the Howling Commandos, that’s where the band name comes from. They were always joking around about starting a band when we came home. Well, turned out they were serious. So I was obligated to watch them.”

Steph glanced at him. For the way he talked about his friends, he didn’t seem annoyed to be there. And he had seemed to enjoy the music. “They’re pretty good.”

“I know. I had to listen to them when they started this shit. And they definitely weren’t good then. Always playing guitar and singing on their down time. Drove us all crazy.” He grinned, though.

“It kind of sounds like you didn’t really mind, though.” She smiled too.

That made him laugh. “They were awful! But yeah, they’re still my friends. So I’ve got their backs no matter what. Even when they want to try to start a band.” He shook his head.

Steph smiled and settled her hands on her knee. For some reason, this James was really easy for her to talk to. And even though he had flirted a bit, he had never made any kind of move on her, which she really appreciated. She wasn’t interested in anyone who was only interested in a one night stand. They kept up the conversation through the last song, and didn’t even notice when the band finished playing and started to pack up.

“So then my friend I told you about, Nat, she actually flips this guy right on—”

Steph was cut off when one of the band members came up behind James and smacked him on the shoulder. “Hey, jerk, you said you would help us with the gear.” He looked around James and said, “Hi, sorry. I have to steal him.” This guy was Asian, with very dark, black hair. He had a green hat on his head and she could make out a metal chain around his neck, which made her think it probably held dogtags.

Steph smiled in amusement, only a little disappointed. “It’s okay.”

“I’ll be there in a minute,” James said.

The other guy rolled his eyes and clapped James on the shoulder. “Stop flirting, dude, and help us.” He turned and started to walk off.

“Okay, okay.” James looked back at her and smiled apologetically. “Sorry. I’ve got to go.” He picked her sketchpad up off the bar and handed it back to her. “Probably don’t want to be forgetting this.”

She took the pad back and flipped it closed before holding it to her chest. “No, that would be really bad.”

“Maybe I’ll see you around some time,” he said as he stood up.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m usually here,” she said. She jumped up as well, though it didn’t make much of a difference since she was so short.

He opened his mouth to say something else, but the other guy yelled across the bar, “Bucky, get your ass over here! We’re leaving!”

“I’m coming!” he turned and yelled back. He looked back at Steph and smiled. “Sorry. See you around.” He waved and hurried off without even giving her a chance to respond. And then he was out the door, and potentially out of her life.

No.

No way.

It was completely impossible. What were even the chances?

Steph continued to stare at the door, waiting to see if he reappeared, but he never did. She squeezed the edges of the sketchpad and held it even closer to her chest.

Bucky.

That guy had called him Bucky. Bucky was the name of her childhood friend, the one she had been thinking about for the past several weeks. Her friend always went by Bucky as a nickname, but his first name was actually James. James Buchanan Barnes.

She couldn’t believe she hadn’t gotten his full name or his number or anything. All she knew was that he was friends with a band that called themselves the Howling Commandos. After a moment of silent staring, she quickly flipped open the sketchpad to her drawings, how she remembered Bucky from when he was twelve. They were only from memory, and memories that were thirteen years old, at that. But she could still see the resemblance. She needed to find an actual photograph.

She dumped the sketchpad and her pencils in her book bag and rushed past the bar. Clint looked up in surprise and asked as she was halfway out the door, “Everything okay, Steph?”

“Byeseeyoulater!” she yelled over her shoulder. As she thought, there was no one outside the bar. They must have already packed up and left. She could hardly keep herself from running down the sidewalk, and she practically skipped down the steps into the subway. Standing in the train car and waiting for the three stops between the bar and her apartment felt like an eternity.

When she finally dug her key out of her jacket pocket and got her apartment door open, she quickly kicked off her boots and dropped her bag on the floor. She darted into her room, and went for the old photo album on the bottom shelf of her bookcase. She had had it for ages, since way before everyone just put pictures of everything online. Her mother had compiled it of pictures from her elementary and middle school years. She flipped through until she found a whole slew of pictures of her and Bucky when they were twelve.

She stopped and stared at the picture while sitting there on the floor of her bedroom. It was him. It had to be him. His eyes were exactly the same, and she could even tell how this little boy would grow up into the attractive man she met that night.

“Oh my god,” she said softly, a huge dorky grin on her face.

“Oh my god, what?” Nat asked from her doorway.

Steph wasn’t even mad Nat hadn’t shown up at all that night. If she had, Steph might not have met Bucky again. She looked up at Nat, the smile still on her face.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Nat asked slightly suspiciously. “And why are you holding a photo album?” She moved into the room and looked over Steph’s shoulder. “Oh, wasn’t that the boy you pined over endlessly?”

“I didn’t _pine_ over him.”

“Mm hm.” Nat rested her arms on Steph’s shoulders. “You could not stop talking about him when we first met. You were completely heartbroken.”

“I was not.” Steph closed the photo album and stood up, upsetting Nat’s balance. “We were twelve. It wasn’t like that.” She stood up again.

“Sure,” Nat said as she straightened up.

“But…” Steph tucked the album under her arm. “I have to show you something.” She darted back into the living room and grabbed her bag off the floor. Nat followed curiously. She yawned and covered her mouth. She was still wearing the sexy dress she had gone out wherever in. It was unzipped and hung off her shoulder, but clearly she hadn’t gotten as far as getting undressed before Steph came charging through the apartment.

Steph laid the photo album open on the kitchen table. She flipped to the page of photos of her and Bucky when they were kids. And then she fished her sketchpad out of her bag and set it on the table next to the album, open to the drawing of James—Bucky in profile.

Nat blinked and the sleepiness disappeared from her face. She moved over to the table and quickly looked between the photos and the drawing. “When did you draw this?” She asked as she tapped the page with the drawing.

Steph grinned and practically bounced on her feet. “Tonight. At the Triskelion.”

“You were at the Triskelion by yourself again?” Nat rounded on her. “I told you to text me when you do that.”

Steph waved off her comment. “You did say you’d meet me if you didn’t have a date.”

“Well, I did have a date…”

“I know, I know, but Nat, that’s not the point. Look.” Steph grabbed the sketchpad eagerly. “Who does this look like to you?”

Nat took the sketchpad tentatively, like it might explode. “It looks like…” she glanced down at the photos again, “It looks a little bit like the guy you were in love with in middle school.”

“Hey, I said I wasn’t—”

“Whatever. This,” she pointed at the drawing, “looks like the hot guy your friend could have turned into.”

“That’s because it is him!” Steph said excitedly. “No, wait, I mean, not that part. Not that he wasn’t hot, but I mean, it’s him, it’s Bucky, who lived next door to me thirteen years ago.”

Nat set the sketchpad back on the table. “Wow.”

“Yeah.” Steph continued to grin. “I know.”

“You’re already in love with him again.”

“I am not,” Steph said quickly. “And I wasn’t.”

“So what happened? What did he say when you found out who he was?”

“Uh…” The grin dropped off Steph’s face. “Actually…”

Nat groaned and covered her face. “Please tell me you didn’t sit there drawing him and never even went to talk to him.”

“No, I didn’t do that.” Steph crossed her arms. “We talked. We actually talked a lot. He was really nice. His friends were in the band playing tonight. I just…” She shifted from foot to foot and avoided Nat’s piercing gaze. “He introduced himself as James, so I didn’t realize until one of his friends called him Bucky as they were leaving. So I didn’t get a chance to… um…” She glanced at Nat, “confirm it was him.”

Nat crossed her arms and raised on eyebrow. “But you did get his number, right?”

“Um…”

“Yup.” Nat sighed and placed her hands on Steph’s shoulders. She looked her straight in the eye. “You are adorable. But you also do some stupid things.” She smiled. “I can see this is important to you, so I will help you find your boy. Good thing we live in the age of the internet. So it should be a piece of cake.”

They heard the padding of bare feet on wood floor and turned to see Maria walking into the kitchen, yawning widely. She rubbed at her face. Based on her sweatpants and pajama shirt, and the way her hair stuck up every which way, she had clearly been trying to sleep. “What the hell are you guys yelling about at this time of night?”

“Nothing!” Steph tried to say quickly, but Nat beat her to the punch.

“Steph has rediscovered a boy she was in love with in middle school, who grew up into a smoking hot dude. But she couldn’t get his number, so now we’re on a mission to find him again.”

Steph put her face in her hand. “Thank you, Natasha.”

Maria looked at them, her eyes wide awake now. “Is this really what you two spend your nights doing? I’ve got an early class in the morning. Next time you search for your star-crossed love,” Steph groaned, “can you do it more quietly?”

“Sure thing, Hill,” Nat said.

“Sorry, Maria,” Steph said.

Maria waved it off. “Good luck with your quest, or mission, or whatever. Hope you find the guy. Lord knows you deserve to get laid.” She turned and walked back to her bedroom.

Nat turned back to smirk at Steph, who only groaned again. “I hate you all.”

“Come on. This is going to be fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I have a confession I have to make. I am a sap. I am a huuuuuuuuuuge sap. I love sappy love stories. And that comes up every now and then in some of my other Female!Steve stuff. The problem is I also really like tragedy, especially tragic love stories. So on one hand I can be the complete heartless asshole who wrote ["So Goodbye Until Tomorrow"](http://archiveofourown.org/works/1759961/chapters/3763013), and on the other, I am the total sap that wrote this. I originally started this fic because life sucks and I needed something therapeutically sappy to make me feel better. So I hope this appeals to the other saps out there!
> 
> And yes, the title comes from the Taylor Swift song. Not even ashamed of that. I love that song.


	2. Chapter 2

As it turned out, it was not much fun. At Nat’s suggestion, and also at her prodding, after exhausting other methods, they went on Facebook that weekend to see if Steph could find Bucky Barnes.

“This feel a little stalker-ish,” Steph said while she typed his name into the search bar. She glanced over her shoulder at Nat, who was leaning over her as she sat at her computer.

“Facebook stalking is basic college level stuff.”

“But I didn’t do it!”

“That’s because you clearly were still in love with a boy who left you broken-hearted in the seventh grade.”

Steph sighed. “I wasn’t in love with him.”

“Mm hm.” She frowned at the screen. “Did you try his real name?”

“Yeah. I tried both. I even tried Buchanan Barnes, even though he only used his middle name to create a nickname.” Steph clicked back to her own page. She frowned at her profile picture. “Did you hack into my account and change my picture again?” She quickly went into her settings and deleted the weird picture Nat had taken while she was sleeping, and replaced it with her prefered vague picture of her in sunglasses, sketching in the park. It looked way more artsy.

“It’s not called hacking when you leave your computer logged into Facebook.”

“My computer has a password.”

“Oh, well, I know all your passwords,” Nat said casually, with a shrug of her shoulders.

Steph shook her head. “It’s a good thing I trust you not to steal my identity or something.”

“No, I just like to change your profile picture and see how long it takes you to notice.”

“You are such a good friend.”

“I know.” Nat leaned down onto her shoulder. “I am, aren’t I?” She rested her arms on Steph’s shoulders and her chin on top of her arms. “I don’t get it. He’s twenty-five and he doesn’t have a Facebook?”

“Some people don’t.” Steph sighed. So much for that.

“Maybe he has super private settings so you can’t search for him.”

“He was also in the army until nine months ago.”

“Soldiers can still have Facebook accounts.”

“Okay, so, what was plan B?”

Nat straightened up. “We try to find that band. Where they play, he might show up. Or, at the very least, they can give you his number.”

Steph put her face in her hand. This felt like the dozenth time she had done this since Nat found out about Bucky. “I am not going to ask some random people I’ve never met for a guy’s number.”

“You said you talked to one of them.”

“For like two seconds!” Steph shot back, jumping to her feet.

Nat straightened up. “So he might remember you, especially since you were flirting with the guy in question.” She tapped her finger against her chin. “Unless of course, he is a total flirt, and acts like that everywhere he goes. In which case, you might just be a notch on the belt.”

“We didn’t even do anything!” Steph said quickly, flustered.

“And yet you’re desperately trying to find him.” Nat smirked a bit.

“Because we were old friends! Not because I talked to him for an hour and now can’t stop thinking about him.”

Nat looked at her with both eyebrows raised. “So… Can you stop thinking about him?”

“No…” Steph admitted. She sank back into her chair. She put her head in her hands. “This is hopeless.”

Nat patted her shoulder sympathetically as Maria walked past them for the door. “Wait, so you guys go out partying on weeknights and then spend the weekend stalking people on Facebook?” She grabbed what she affectionately called her strappy hooker shoes and started to put them on. “Really?”

“Maria!” Steph said.

“Yeah, pretty much,” Nat said at the same time.

“Well, have fun. I’ve got a date.”

Nat whistled. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” Maria opened the front door and then looked at them again. “And good luck with your stalking star-crossed love search thing. Don’t do anything illegal.” She closed the door after herself.

“No promises!” Nat yelled after her.

Steph looked up at her. “You are such a bad influence on me.”

“Yeah, but you love me anyway. And I’m helping in your love story.” Nat smirked down at her.

 

It wasn’t that unusual for Steph to show up at the Triskelion multiple nights in a row. But she had been there every night since Wednesday in the hope that she would see Bucky again. She didn’t even sketch much, though she would keep her sketchpad in her lap all night. He never turned up. After an unfruitful weekend of trying various options, she sat down at the middle of the bar, directly in front of Clint, with Nat behind her.

Natasha leaned onto the bar on her elbow and smiled at him. “Hi, Clint.”

“Hey, Tasha,” he said brightly. “Long time no see.”

“Yeah, it has been.” She put on her most stunning smile, which made Steph roll her eyes. “We have a small favor to ask of you.”

“Ah,” he said. “Should have figured you’d only stop by if you want something. Please tell me it’s not something illegal.”

“Why do people keeping thinking that?” Nat asked.

“Because it’s you,” Steph said. She leaned forward against the bar. “Clint, I’m… I’m looking for someone I met here last week.”

He smiled in amusement. “Really?”

“Yeah… Um…”

“She met this guy who may or may have not been, but probably was, her best friend from middle school, who she had a crush on. And they haven’t spoken in over ten years since he moved away,” Nat said in one rush.

“On Wednesday,” Steph supplied, trying to be helpful.

“Oh yeah,” Clint said. “You guys were talking for a really long time. I was surprised.” He shook his head. “But I don’t know the guy, sorry. I don’t know how I can help.”

“He’s friends with the band that was playing that night. The…” Nat turned and looked at Steph.

“The Howling Commandos.”

“Oh yeah,” Clint said.

“Do you know anything about them?” Steph asked.

“Not really. They’re local, and they’d called several times looking for a night when we hadn’t booked another band. I think someone cancelled that night, so they got lucky.”

“So, not a very high chance they’ll be coming here again,” Nat said slowly.

“I’ll keep an ear out, though,” Clint said. “See if there’s anything else going on with them.”

“Thanks.” Steph smiled. “I’d really appreciate it.”

“Didn’t get his number, huh?” he asked.

“Nope,” Nat answered for her.

“So, Natasha…” Clint started as he turned to her. “I was thinking, are you free Thursday? I’ve got the night off, and I thought, maybe we could go out.”

Nat smiled, but it wasn’t her normal I-want-something-from-you smile. “Are you trying to ask me on a date?” She leaned both elbows on the bartop.

“Yeah, I am.”

Nat raised an eyebrow and then looked at Steph. She smirked and then turned back to Clint. “Tell you what. Help us complete Steph’s epic love quest, and then yeah, I’ll go on a date with you.”

“Do you have to keep calling this things like that?” Steph asked quietly.

Clint smiled broadly. “Of course I’ll help!”

“Great!” Nat squeezed Steph’s shoulders. “Between us, we should find your boy in no time.”

“It’s only one of the biggest cities in the world,” Steph said.

“Well, you already ran into each other once by coincidence,” Clint said. “And this time you live in the same city.” He shrugged. “Don’t worry. You’ll find him. And we’ll help.”

Steph smiled in response. “Thanks…”

“So can I get you ladies anything? Or did you come here just to dig for information?”

Nat looked at Steph. “Well, we are here. It would be rude to take this bartender’s time and not buy a drink.”

Steph laughed. “Yeah, yeah. Okay.” She let Nat order for her and only half listened as she and Clint continued to flirt, while her mind was on what else they could do to find Bucky. And what she would possibly say to him when she finally saw him again.

 

As it turned out, the Howling Commandos did not have a website, and they did not even have a Facebook page or Twitter account. Natasha’s only comment to that was, “Do these guys know anything about self-promotion?” So it was down to digging the old fashioned way, by word of mouth. With both Nat and Clint trying to find any information on where the band might be playing next, Steph decided to keep up her strategy of going to the Triskelion every night just in case Bucky showed up looking for her, having not gotten her number either.

The only thing this lead to was her constantly being tired at work in the morning from staying out late every night. She had to drink twice as much coffee just to stay up, and she knew that couldn’t possibly be good for her.

Even Maria seemed invested in helping Steph find Bucky again, after two weeks of no luck. She sat down across from Steph at the small round kitchen table they shared. Steph had her head on the table, having come home completely exhausted from work. In an hour, she was going to go back to the Triskelion, though it seemed like a bit of a hopeless task at this point.

“Still nothing?” Maria asked.

“No…” Steph mumbled without lifting her head.

“Planning to go to that bar again tonight?”

“Yup,” Steph said to the table.

“Do you want company?” Maria asked slowly.

That did make Steph look up. “Really?”

“Sure.” Maria gave her a small smile. “I can be there for moral support. And I’ll just bring something to study. You always bring your sketchbook, after all.”

Steph planted her head in her palms and rested her elbows on the table. “Thanks, that’d be… nice…”

“Can I ask… why this guy?” Maria titled her head slightly. “I know you were old friends. But no matter what Natasha says, it couldn’t have been love at first sight.”

`Steph actually sat up. She readjusted so he could actually lean back in her chair without hunching over. It was a good question. Nat already knew the whole story, having met Steph not that long after Bucky and Steph had stopped talking. “Well, we were friends in middle school. When he moved away, we tried to keep in touch, but… you know how it goes. When you don’t see your friends every day, it’s hard to stay friends at that age. So I guess we just drifted.” She shrugged.

“So why are you trying so hard to find him now?” Maria folded her hands on the table in front of her as she looked at Steph.

“Bucky was my first… best friend.” Steph looked sideways out the window. “I’d had friends in elementary school. But I was small, and not very girly. So I didn’t get along with other girls my age. And most boys didn’t want to have anything to do with girls. And then I met Bucky.” She looked down, trying to hide the smile that came to her face. “He didn’t care that I was a girl. Even when we didn’t have the same classes, we lived next door to each other. So for a solid year and a half, I saw him almost every single day. It got to the point that if anyone on the block saw one of us without the other, they’d say something like ‘Where’s your other half?’ That’s how close we were.” Steph twisted her fingers together. It was hard for her to keep her hands completely still, which was how she had gotten into sketching in the first place. She always needed to be doing something with her hands. “So when his family moved away, when we stopped talking, that just killed me…”

Maria watched her, taking in the way her hands moved, and the small smile crossing her face.

“This is my chance for a do-over,” Steph said in summary. She finally looked up again, and then her smile didn’t look so distant, so nostalgic. “If I find him again, it’s like I can find out how things would have been if we had stayed friends. See if we can go back to being friends like we were.”

“Wow,” Maria said after a moment. “Natasha has it completely wrong about the crush or love at first sight thing. This is like… you’re trying to find your soulmate.”

Steph shook her head. “I laid that all out in front of you, and you make fun of me?”

“I’m serious. It sounds like you lost your most important person when you were twelve. So it completely makes sense that after happening to run into him again, you’d do anything to find him.”

“It’s not really as dramatic as all that.” Steph tried to wave off the comment. “I just… I’d like a do-over. That’s all this is.”

Maria smiled widely. It looked a lot like the way Natasha would smile at her. “Okay. Show me your drawing. I’ll keep an eye out for him too.”

So Steph showed her the drawing, and got one more person on what was becoming, for all intents and purposes, a crusade.

 

“Nope. No Triskelion tonight,” Natasha said to Steph as soon as she walked in the door. She didn’t even have a chance to get her shoes off or drop her stuff.

“How do you know I was going to go to the Triskelion again?” Steph asked. She dropped her bag onto the kitchen table and balanced on one foot so she could unzip her boots.

“What else would you be doing?” Nat put her hands on her hips.

Steph collected her bag and headed for her room. She slipped slightly on the wood floor in the hallways with her tights. “So why am I not going tonight?”

Maria leaned against the doorway to her bedroom which was across the hall from Steph’s. They had given the master bedroom to Natasha, with the theory that it would be harder to hear whatever she was up to if her room was not directly across from one of the other bedrooms. “Because while your love story is cute, you need to do something other than look for this guy.”

Steph looked between them. “You’re the ones who’ve been pushing me to find him!”

“Neither of us told you to go to the Triskelion every night,” Nat said. She walked up the hall to stand next to Maria. “So we decided, no bars tonight. We’re going to go get dinner, just the three of us. Cause we haven’t done that in a while. And then we’re going to this street fair. And you are not going to think about Bucky Barnes. Got it?”

“Well, I don’t think you can really Thought Police me, but…” Steph smiled in amusement. “Okay. I’m game.”

“Besides,” Nat continued, “if he shows up at the Triskelion on the one night you’re not there, Clint will just text us, cause he’s working tonight.”

“So get changed!” Maria said. She turned Steph around to direct her back into her room. “We’re hungry!”

“Okay, okay!” Steph laughed. She quickly changed out of her work clothes, which consisted of a black pencil skirt and a simple button-down blouse, and into a brightly colored skirt with more material width-wise than length, and a cut-up T-shirt with a clever saying, under her favorite leather jacket. She slipped on her combat boots last. “Let’s go!”

They actually had a very pleasant dinner, which involved Natasha flirting with the waiter so much that she embarrassed him, and each of them trying to comment on so many things that they just ended up talking over each other, and laughing as each of them tried to get a word in edgewise.

With all the—frankly, ridiculous—searching for Bucky, Steph had forgotten how lucky she was to have not only good roommates, but great friends. And while she had thought it would be a tall order to stop thinking about Bucky, after an hour of having a really good time with her friends, she did stop obsessing over him.

The street fair was interesting. They found the usual assortment of various tables selling crafts that were probably fun to make, but seemed almost ridiculous to use. But they were fun to look at. And Steph appreciated the effort that went into the work. They also found a few food stands, and ended up getting the best apple danishes any of them had ever had.

After that, Maria called it a night. Between her job and her grad school classes, she could never stay out very late. “Let me know if you find anything else interesting,” she said as she headed back for the subway. Steph and Natasha decided to stay out just a little longer.

As Steph wandered around a table of interesting beaded metalwork, she noticed Nat kept glancing at her phone, even though they’d pointedly tried to stay off their phones the rest of the night. She frowned at her phone, and then just as quickly, her expression changed to open-face surprise. Natasha usually concealed her emotions better than that. So that caught Steph’s attention like a red flag.

“What?” she asked as she fully rounded on Nat.

Natasha kept looking down at her phone’s screen. “Clint just texted me… Hang on.” She clicked something and then held the phone up to her ear. “Elaborate,” she said into the phone, her voice commanding, and still a little surprised.

Steph could tell it was Clint’s voice on the other end, but she couldn’t make out any of the words. So she just crossed her arms and waited for Natasha to explain what was happening.

“Wait, say that again,” Nat said into the phone. She pulled it away from her ear and pressed the speaker bottom. She held the phone between the two of them, and Clint’s voice came out of it.

“I said…” Clint’s voice started in exasperation, “the Howling Commandos are playing tonight! Not here, but at this place across town. If you go now, you probably can still catch them.”

Steph looked across the phone at Nat. Her mouth hung open in surprise. “Do you mean…?”

“Is that Steph?” Clint asked. “Steph, go! This might be your best chance.”

“What are you waiting for, then?” Nat said. She smiled in excitement. “Give us the address!”

Five minutes later, they were on a bus, headed for the bar Clint had told them about. Steph couldn’t keep herself from bouncing on her feet the whole time. “What if he’s not there?” she kept whispering to Natasha, immediately followed by, “What if he _is_ there?”

She ran her fingers through her hair as she practically jumped off the bus, trying to make it look like less of a mess. She took only a moment to observe the general appearance of the bar. It was definitely a dive, and nowhere near as clean as the Triskelion, though that was the last thing Steph cared about in that moment.

Natasha was directly behind her as they made it through the door. As soon as they got a good view of the room, they could see the band in the corner, playing some rock song or another. Steph’s eyes roamed the whole span of the room, and then went over it again. She was about to resign herself to having to ask one of the band members when they finished playing, and then she saw him.

Immediately, she froze up. Nat saw where she was looking, and then she spotted him too, recognizing him from her drawing. He stood off to one side, but not too far from the stage. He tapped his right hand on his leg in time to the music, and every now and then he made a face at the musicians.

Steph gripped the edges of her jacket tightly. “I can’t do this,” she said.

“Sure you can,” Nat said. “You’ve been looking for him for weeks!”

Steph spun around and looked at her. “Do I look like a mess? Do I look weird?”

Natasha laughed. “You look perfect, Steph.” She planted her hands on Steph’s shoulders and spun her around. She gave her a little push forward. “Go talk to him, and tell him who you are.”

Steph took a step forward, and then another. And then she found herself across the room, having woven her way past people dancing, and others drinking. She stopped a few feet away from him, with Natasha right behind her.

Bucky couldn’t hear her approach due to the music, but as soon as she stopped, he saw her out of the corner of his eye. He turned to look at her, and then he broke into a huge smile. “Hey!” he said. “What’re you doing here? Did you become a fan of theirs, or something?” he asked with a laugh, indicating his friends on the stage. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Yeah,” Steph said breathlessly. “Um…”

“I was hoping I’d run into you again.” He was still smiling widely.

“Um…” Steph took a deep breath. “Bucky,” she said. The smile faltered slightly, and was replaced by confusion. He had introduced himself to her as James, after all. “It’s me. It’s Steph. We were neighbors in middle school… You are Bucky Barnes, right?”

The smile disappeared completely, and then he looked entirely confused. That was, until recognition set it. His eyes widened and he looked her over twice quickly. “Steph?” he asked slowly. “Wow. Damn. I didn’t recognize you at all. I mean, look at your hair. Wow, you’ve changed a lot.” He tried to smile, but it looked wrong somehow. “What are the chances right?”

“Yeah.” Steph smiled, but it still felt like she was holding her breath, waiting for some kind of reaction.

“Wow,” he said again. “Well, it’s, uh… good to see you again,” He said uncertainly, and then glanced at the band. “Look, I have to go help with some things. But maybe I’ll see you around. Or something.” Without even waiting for a response, he ducked around them, and then retreated into the back, where they weren’t allowed.

Steph stared after him. In her nervousness, she had gotten the bottom edge of her jacket in a vice grip. Slowly, she uncurled her fingers and let her arms drop to her sides. She had no words for what had just happened. She wasn’t even sure what had happened. But whatever it was, it wasn’t good.

“What the hell was that?” Natasha said loudly. She glared after Bucky, and then she looked at Steph. Her expression softened slightly. She took Steph’s arm and steered her away from the dance floor. They walked out of the bar without saying anything. But once they were outside, Nat said, “What is his fucking problem!”

“He was fine until I told him who I was…” Steph mumbled. She stuffed her hands in her jacket pockets and looked down. They quietly started walking away from the bar. Without saying anything, they both decided to just leave, rather than try again.

“What a fucking jerk. He was totally into you. Does he have some weird turn-off with being friends with someone?” Nat continued to fume the entire way to the subway. She ranted and raved and called Bucky several rude names, but Steph stayed mostly quiet.

Rather than head home, they went back to the Triskelion. Clint saw them as they walked up to the bar, and opened to his mouth, probably to ask how it had gone. But Steph dropped onto a stool and dropped her head onto the bar. Natasha sat next to her gingerly.

Clint looked between them, and then he finally asked Nat, “Was he not there?”

“Oh no,” she said, anger still bubbling under the surface. “He was there all right.”

“Did I do something?” Steph asked, only half to them. “I must have done something that I just don’t remember.”

Clint looked at Natasha for an explanation again. So she sighed and rubbed Steph’s shoulder. “He was really excited to see her, until he realized they had known each other as kids. Then he shut down and pretty much ran away with some half-assed excuse.”

“Damn,” Clint said in surprise. He looked down at Steph, who still had her face hidden against the bar. “Are you okay?”

“I thought we had been really good friends,” she said. “Maybe it was my fault we fell out of touch. I could have tried harder. Or maybe… I don’t know…”

“I promise you, Steph, it wasn’t you,” Nat said. “You were the nicest, loyalist kid I knew. If he’s still mad at you thirteen years after the fact, over whatever, then he’s the fucked up one.”

“I’m an idiot,” Steph said. She picked her head up at last, but continued to stare at the bar. She pushed a paper coaster across the bartop idly. “For believing in this fairy tale, fantasy stuff. Real life doesn’t work like that. Of course he would’ve changed a lot.” She shook her head. “You don’t just find someone and immediately become friends again, or… more…”

Clint frowned. He leaned against the bar. “I saw you two talking when you met here. He was really into you. So that’s not it. I agree with Tasha. Whatever this guy’s problem is, it’s not your fault.”

“Then what the hell is it!” she said loud enough to make a few other people look over, but she didn’t care. She looked between Nat and Clint, searching for some kind of explanation.

Nat only sighed. “I’m sorry, Steph. Some guys are just…” She shrugged. “Well, it’s true. You don’t always get a fairy tale ending. So forget about him. You’re worth more than that, anyway.” She turned to Clint and ordered them drinks.

As soon as he set Steph’s usual rum and coke down in front of her, she picked up the glass and downed it in one go. “Damn, Steph,” Clint said.

She held up the glass. “Leave off the coke this time.”

“Is that a good idea?” he asked.

“Yes. Yes it is.” She handed him the glass.

Clint looked at Natasha, but she just shrugged. “Probably will help.” By the end of the night, Nat did have to help Steph get home because she did have more than she should have. But she didn’t feel any better. And she still spent the whole night trying to figure out what she could have possibly done to get that kind of reaction from Bucky. She never came up with an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter!
> 
> So, I've got to say, this fic pretty much hits all my favorite romantic tropes.


	3. Chapter 3

Steph spent the next few days thinking about the encounter with Bucky, trying to analyze what exactly she had done, and what she could have done differently. Eventually, she gave it up as a futile effort. She wasn’t going to see him again, after all. It had taken weeks to find just the band, and she wasn’t going to put in that kind of effort again just for an explanation. People change and friendships that might have been strong in the past die.

Steph almost put her head down on her arms in the bar, but she didn’t want to look like some mopey, broken-hearted thing. And she didn’t want to look drunk, which she certainly wasn’t this time. Instead of sitting at the bar itself, she sat at a small round table, off in the corner, where she hoped no one would bother her.

When Natasha found out she was going to go to the Triskelion that night, she tried to stop her. But Steph shook off the concern. “I’ll be fine,” she had said. “I just want to go back to character studies and pretend the last few weeks didn’t happen.”

Nat didn’t looked convinced, but she didn’t press Steph any further. She did, after all, have a date to get to. After the whole thing fell through, Steph told her to give Clint a chance. He had, after all, found Bucky. And it wasn’t his fault Bucky turned out to be… whatever his problem was. And it was obvious they did like each other. So Nat conceded to this date.

Which meant not even Clint was at the Triskelion that night to keep her company.

While she had told Nat she was going to go back to drawing random bar patrons, instead, she found herself hunched over the table drawing twelve year old Bucky. She drew him smiling, the brilliant smile she remembered. She drew him angry. She drew him sitting in the his front yard, staring down the street at who knew what. She drew the games they used to play together. While she had a good memory for details, having spent so much time focusing on them when drawing other people, she couldn’t remember much about herself at that age. She had seen pictures, of course, but they didn’t seem to synch up with how she remembered herself. But she still drew herself as well.

After filling several pages with her childhood, she leaned back in her chair and looked down at the drawings. The last one was Bucky’s face looking at her from the back seat of his family’s car as it pulled out of the driveway. Aside from recently, that was the last time she had seen him.

Steph sighed heavily. This was pathetic. What was wrong with her? No matter what Nat had said, she hadn’t been in love. She just wanted her best friend back. Steph scrubbed her hand across her face, and then she slammed the sketchpad closed and flipped it over. She turned it upside down and opened the back page. She looked around the bar quickly and settled on a target. Before she could put much thought into it, she started to draw on the back of the last page, to keep the drawings of Bucky on the other side of the sketchpad.

She didn’t realize what kind of model she had chosen until she looked up again. A woman sat at the bar with her chin resting on her hand. She stared at nothing in particular, and her eyes were unfocused. Under her other hand, she tilted the stem of a wine glass around slowly. It was only half full of dark red wine. As Steph watched, the woman sighed, then reached up to swipe her fingers just under her eyes, before any tears could actually fall. She was the perfect model of heart break.

Steph paused, but then she kept sketching her figure, and started to fill in details. She put all her concentration into drawing the heart-broken women. After a few minutes, she even forgot about the drawings of Bucky on the other side of the sketchbook. Without any real reason behind it, she started to draw a tree beside the figure of the woman on her barstool. As the tree took shape, she realized it was a willow tree. She drew the lines of branches and leaves swaying in the wind over the heart-broken woman.

“My weeping Willow-Tree,” she quoted quietly to herself, and then she smiled and shook her head. She didn’t know why the piece of poetry popped into her head, but she wrote the curls of the words across the top of the drawing.

With the inscription at the top, she spent the rest of the time cleaning up the drawing, and perfecting aspects of it. At some point, even the heart-broken woman finished her glass or two of wine and left. But Steph was so focused on her drawing that she hardly noticed anything else.

So when she heard someone say, “Steph” directly in front of her, she nearly jumped. She hadn’t heard anyone approach the table. She looked up in surprise, but her expression immediately turned cold.

It took her weeks to track him down, but of course it only took Bucky a few days to find her when he was the one looking. She sat up straight and stared him down. At the very least, he looked nervous, and slightly apologetic as he stood across the table from her. Steph could have been polite. But instead, she said, “What do you want?”

He winced at the tone of her voice, but he didn’t seem surprised. “Look, I’m… I’m sorry,” he said. “I owe you an explanation for the way I acted the other night. If you’ll let me.”

Steph knew that if Nat were there, she would try to convince Steph to say no, that he had lost his chance. But Natasha wasn’t there. And she did want to know, even if she was still hurt by it. “Fine.”

He opened his mouth, and then glanced around. “Look, can we go somewhere else to talk?” It was dark and loud in the bar, which was not exactly the right setting for a serious talk. “Somewhere quieter?”

Steph sighed. “Okay.” She slapped the back cover of her sketchpad closed and gathered her stuff together. She dropped down off the chair and walked around Bucky. “There’s a coffee shop around the corner that’s normally open till 2.” She didn’t look at him as she walked out, but she could tell he followed. He didn’t say anything either as they walked down the dark sidewalk.

When they got to the coffee shop, she went to a table along the wall, but he stopped and looked at her. “Coffee?”

She shrugged. “Fine. Black.”

He nodded and went to the counter to get them drinks. Steph took a seat at a small two-person table towards the back along the wall. Her fingers itched to pull out her sketchbook again, but instead she crossed her arms and hugged them into her body. Bucky came over a minute later with two cups. He set one down in front of her. She took the cup, but she didn’t drink it.

She decided she was going to sit there and make this all so uncomfortable that he would explain everything, even though she was burning to start asking questions. He sipped his own black coffee, and barely started to put it back down when she opened her mouth. But the question that burst out wasn’t the one that had been bugging her.

“Did you know it was me that whole time?” She asked desperately. He looked at her in surprise. “When we met at the bar, did you know it was me?”

He carefully set the paper cup down on the table and looked across at her. “No, I had no idea.”

“Then why did you introduce yourself as James?” she followed up, just as desperately. If he had introduced himself as Bucky, she would have figured it out immediately.

He sighed and shook his head. “Just gotten used to introducing myself that way since I’ve mostly had to go by my real name. It’s just close friends that call me Bucky. So it’s not the name I give to new people.”

“Oh.” Steph wrapped her hands around her cup and looked down into it. That made sense, of course. She felt ridiculous for starting off with a question like that, when it wasn’t what she really wanted to ask. Without looking up, she said, “Did I do something to you when we were kids?”

“No, Steph, of course not!” he said quickly. “Your were my best friend. This is me.” He sighed. “I said I owe you an explanation. You, of all people, deserve to know.” He paused to take a deep breath, and then continued, “Not long after we moved to Virginia, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer.”

Steph’s head snapped up so fast, she thought she heard her neck crack. “What?” she said in surprise.

Bucky looked at her, and then glanced away. “Yeah. Stage four. There wasn’t much they could do at that point. It was less than six months later when she…” he trailed off and was quiet for a moment.

“Bucky…” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. I had no idea…”

“I know.” He rolled his coffee cup back and forth between his palms. “I got distant from everyone after that. Maybe if we still lived next door to each other, things would have been different between us.” He looked at her. “But I even distanced myself from the friends I had started to make at my new school. And at the same time, my dad got cold.”

Steph could picture that. She actually remembered Bucky’s parents. Bucky’s mom was always super kind to her. Even when they did dumb shit, she never chastised them. But Steph remembered being afraid of Buck’s father. At the time, she chalked it up to the fact that he was in the military. But now that she thought about it, there were other things. If Bucky’s dad was ever home, Bucky would insist they play at her house. And there were some days when he was very quiet after a run-in with his father.

“So I started to act out,” Bucky continued. “I got in fights, and I had bad grades. And then they made me join ROTC in high school. For some reason, that actually got me to turn around. And it was the one thing I did that my father seemed to be happy about. So I kept doing it. And after high school, I joined the army.” He shrugged one shoulder. “Part of it was because I knew he would approve, and part of it was because I knew I could get as far away from him as possible.”

Steph sipped her coffee slowly. She didn’t know what to say, and she needed something to do with her hands. It was a lot to take in about someone she had used to know better than herself. It was amazing how much had changed in such a short time after they fell out of contact.

“I met the guys I’m friends with now. I discovered I was a good marksman. So I became a sharpshooter. And I was… really good at it.” He looked away. “I threw myself into the work, and tried as hard as possible to get away from my past. I was a really unhappy teenager, to put it mildly.” He smiled at her weakly. “So I don’t like to think about it. And when I realized it was you, it took me back to before all that shit happened. And I remembered how it had seemed like everything in my life was falling apart. That’s why I…”

“Ran away?” Steph supplied.

Bucky smiled lightly. “Yeah, something like that. So, I’m sorry.”

“It’s…” Steph sighed. Now she felt like the asshole. “No, I get it. I’m just glad you don’t hate me or anything.”

“Of course I don’t hate you.” Both of them had their hands resting on the top of the table. He twitched the fingers of his right hand like he was going to try to touch hers, but then thought better of it. “You really were my best friend. It tore me up when we had to move.”

Steph found herself smiling fondly, so she looked down and quickly took another sip of coffee. When she set the cup down again, she asked, “So if you were in the army all this time, what made you come back?”

He quickly squeezed his right hand into a fist, but then he smiled and shook his head. “That’s a story for another time, I think.”

Steph raised an eyebrow. “So you assume there is going to be another time?”

“Well, yeah. Unless you haven’t accepted my heartfelt apology.”

Steph couldn’t stop herself from smiling again. “I forgive you for freaking out when you found out it was me.” She traced her finger along the tabletop. “And yeah. I’d like to try being friends again.”

“Okay, then before anything else.” Bucky reached into his pocket and fished out his cell phone. He tapped the screen a few times and then he turned it towards her. “Put in your number.”

“Oh yeah!” Steph quickly took the phone and added her number. Then she grabbed her bag and dug her phone out of the bottom, before she had him do the same thing. “No more endless searching next time we want to talk.”

“Endless searching?” he asked. His lips twisted into half a smirk.

Steph looked down, slightly embarrassed. “We may have… spent those entire few weeks trying to find you or that band so I could talk to you again.”

“Really?” His face broke out into a grin.

“Because I realized as you were leaving the bar that it was you!”

Bucky laughed. “Wow. Okay. Now I feel even worse for the way I acted.”

“So this should make it easier next time.” She held up her phone and waved it around. When she looked down at the screen, she saw he had listed his name as Bucky Barnes, instead of James Barnes. That made her smile.

“So, I guess, we can get to the proper friends-who-haven’t-seen-each-other-in-years catch up. You heard my story. What’ve you been up to?”

Steph blew out a puff of air. “That’s a lot of time to cover. Let’s see… I met Natasha in high school, that’s who was with me the other night. She may or may not want to… punch you in the face.”

He smiled in amusement. “Even though I have an explanation?”

“I didn’t say _I_ wanted to punch you in the face. I completely accept your explanation. But she’s… protective. I mean, we’ve been friends since high school, after all.”

“This is the one who knows how to flip a grown man over her head?”

“Yup,” Steph said. She forgot she had told him that story when they met.

“They probably weren’t trained soldiers, though.” His expression made her think he was only half serious.

“Please do not antagonize her. I wouldn’t put anything past her.” Steph shook her head.

“It sounds like you have a good friend.”

Steph smiled. “Yeah. Even if she does stand me up sometimes. When I need it, she’s there for me.”

“So, the drawing,” he nodded at her bag. “I see you’re still doing that.”

Steph glanced down at her book bag. “Oh yeah. I’ve gotten way better.”

“No kidding.” He smiled. “I wasn’t just trying to flirt the other night. You are crazy talented.”

She smiled  and looked down slightly. “Thanks… It’s just cause I’ve been drawing so long. I never stopped challenging myself.”

“You’ve come quite far from the doodles you used to draw in the margins of your work in class.”

“Oh yeah!” Steph laughed as she remembered it. “Remember there was the one time Mrs. Feinstein called me out in front of the whole class for drawing on a test.”

Bucky smiled widely. “That’s right. You turned as red as a tomato.”

“Oh, I was completely mortified,” Steph said quickly.

“But then there was that other time Mr. Martinez returned your homework with his own drawings next to yours.”

“I completely forgot about that!” Steph sat forward on her seat. “That’s right.”

“So how did that turn into graphic design?”

Steph shook her head a bit. “Well, I never really thought art was going to be something I would pursue. It was just something I enjoyed doing. But one semester in high school, the art class I wanted was completely full, so they shifted me into this intro to graphic design class. It was this huge basic elective class. Only a few people actually wanted to be there. And while I never would have taken it on my own, I found I was really good at it. Something about digital art just clicked in my brain. I ended up taking the class the next two semesters and working on advanced projects for the teacher.” She tucked the top of one boot behind her ankle as she sat on the edge of her seat. “So I decided to major in art in college. When I was picking, I asked my mom if I should try to do something that was more likely to get me a job.” Steph smiled fondly to herself. “But she said picking something like that might get me money, but it wouldn’t make me happy. And I should focus on something that makes me happy. So I did. Emphasized in digital art, and then got this job at an advertising firm. The sketches and traditional art are just for me, though.”

Bucky shook his head. “I forgot how cool your mom is.” He looked at her. “How is she, by the way?”

“She’s fine.” Steph sat back slightly. “She’s a bit weaker, so she doesn’t go out much. But she says she doesn’t mind. She reads a lot, and watches TV and knits.” She looked down at her hands. “She says those things make her happy, though. I go out there when I can. She’s still living in the same house.” She smiled to herself and then glanced up at him. “I can’t imagine what her reaction would be if I tell her I met up with Bucky Barnes again.”

“Well, I hope it won’t be a bad reaction.”

“Nah.” She smirked. “Mom liked you, even if we did get into trouble together way more than when I was by myself.”

He smirked and leaned forward with his forearms on the table. “Trouble? You mean awesome adventures, right?”

“Getting caught sneaking into the elementary school was not an awesome adventure!” she half laughed, half exclaimed.

“Sure it was.”

She smiled widely and shook her head. “Good to see you are just as ridiculous as always.”

“Oh yeah, that’ll probably never change.”

She opened her mouth to say something else, but she caught sight of the clock on the wall of the coffee shop. It was after 11:30. On a week night. And she still had to get home. “Oh shit!” she said. “I didn’t realize it was so late. I have to go!” She jumped up and grabbed her bag.

He stood as well, when she stood, with his fingertips resting slightly on the table. “Okay.”

“I’m sorry,” she said as she slipped the straps of her bag onto her shoulder. “We really, really do need to catch up properly, with more than just the highlights. And when we have more than an hour to do it.”

“Well, I’ve got your number now. So I’ll text you later.”

“Yeah.” She paused before turning to the door and looked up at him. They were actually standing quite close, both in front of the table. She reached out and touched his arm gently. “I really am so happy to see you again. Don’t disappear from my life like you did last time, okay?”

He smiled kindly down at her. “Promise.”

She smiled, and before she did something that she would potentially regret, or that would potentially embarrass her, she turned away and rushed out the door. She didn’t look back at all until she started to hop down the steps into the subway. But of course no one was behind her. So she broke out into a huge grin, that didn’t disappear the whole way home.

As she was walking up the steps to her apartment, she heard her phone ding, so she fished it out of her bag at the same time she fished out her keys. But she paused with the front door key halfway to the lock as she read the text that had popped up.

**Buck Barnes**  
_Hope it’s not too early to text. Making sure this is the right #_

 Steph didn’t think she could smile any wider. She quickly typed back, _It’s not too early, and it is the right number. Good thinking!_

Before any of her neighbors could catch her standing out in the hallway looking like a dork, she stuck the key in the lock and opened the door. Another text came in as she closed and locked it behind herself. So she leaned back against the back of the door to look at it.

_So when are you free next?_

_Saturday?_ she sent back.

Steph didn’t even put her phone away. She kept it in her hand and stared at it until the screen went black. And then it buzzed and lit up again.

_The guys are dragging me to a party. Want to come? You can bring your friend._

And immediately following that text was, _See if she really will try to punch me._

Steph sent an affirmative, and then she closed her eyes and smiled stupidly. She didn’t mean to press her phone against her chest, but that’s what she did.

“What’s with the dopey smile?”

Steph opened her eyes to see Nat standing directly in front of her. She had her hands on her hips, and raised one eyebrow, an amused smirk on her face. “Did you find another long lost friend or something?”

Steph couldn’t make the smile disappear, no matter what Natasha said. “No, just the same one.”

Nat blinked, and then frowned. She dropped her hands from her hips. “You don’t mean that asshole, do you?”

“I do.” Steph paused. “And he’s not an asshole.”

“Oh really?” Nat asked in fake surprise. She crossed her arms. “Then what was with the 180 degree ditch effort?”

Steph took a deep breath and finally pushed herself away from the door so she could stand up straight. “He found me at the Triskelion tonight so he could apologize. And he explained why he reacted like that. There were… unrelated things from his past.”

“Unrelated?” Nat looked skeptical. “Like what?”

“Like…” Steph hesitated and chewed on her bottom lip. She had a feeling Bucky didn’t go around talking about his mom that often. He didn’t even tell people his nickname even though she figured he still went by it more than by James outside of professional settings. “Something bad that happened. But it’s his past. I don’t have the right to tell it.”

Natasha looked slightly surprised, then she sighed and shook her head. “That bad, huh? Fine.” She pointed a finger at Steph. “I still think he’s a jerk. And if he does anything to hurt you, I will beat him up.”

Steph rolled her eyes. “I can take care of myself.” She moved her phone back and forth between her hands. “And he invited us to a party on Saturday. You free?”

Natasha smirked. “Ooh, so I get to properly meet him?”

“If you promise not to try to punch him or… something.”

Nat laughed outright. “Yeah, I’m free. This’ll be fun!” She cracked her knuckles for emphasis.

Steph just shook her head and finally moved into the apartment. While she really did need to get to bed if she was going to be any use in the morning, she couldn’t help but pull out her sketchpad and flip to the drawing of Bucky she had done when they first met at the Triskelion. While most of this sketchbook seemed to be filled with drawings of younger Bucky, this was the only one of current Bucky. She idly wondered if now that they were friends again if he would actually sit and let her draw him. She smiled to herself. Yeah, she’d really like to do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the poem mentioned is Lewis Carroll's "The Willow-Tree." I really love Lewis Carroll stuff, and not just Wonderland, though I do love Wonderland. The poem's available online since it's in the public domain, so I suggest looking it up. It's wonderful and sad.
> 
> Thanks for all the comments and kudos! They are greatly appreciated!


	4. Chapter 4

“This?” Steph asked as she stepped out of her room. She held up her arms and turned slightly so Natasha could see her. This time she had on a very short ruffle skirt over fishnet tights. She even opted for ankle boots with a short heel. She wore a vest over a purple tanktop. Since it was a woman’s vest, it was a halter style with no back.

Nat barely glanced up from where she was lying on the couch with her legs thrown over the arm of the couch. She already has on a black, form-fitting dress and heels. “You are eventually going to have to pick an outfit. Unless you are stalling because you really don’t want to go.”

“No, I do!” Steph said quickly. She bounced onto the toes of her boots. “But… how does this look?”

Nat propped herself up on her hands and gave Steph a look. “Steph, honey, you look cute. I don’t even take this long to get ready. Besides, we already know he’s into you.”

“But now there’s the whole old friends thing.” She paused. “And I’m not trying to…”

“Get into his pants?” she suggested.

“Natasha!”

“What? He is hot. I wouldn’t blame you.”

“No! We’re friends.”

“That’s why you’re obsessing over this so much, right?” She swung her feet over the arm of the couch and pushed herself up. “So can we go now?”

Steph shifted her weight back and forth. “Do you think maybe the skinny jeans were better?”

“No, I don’t.” She smoothed her dress down and checked that her hair still had its elegant wave in the living room mirror. How she could lie on the couch, and then still look perfect, Steph didn’t know. Her hair was straight and short, so it didn’t take much to fix it, but she still had bedhead every morning. “So let’s go.” She tucked her hand in the crook of Steph’s arm and tugged her towards the door. She grabbed her coat and then handed Steph her leather jacket. “You wouldn’t want to stand him up, would you?”

“No, but…” Steph glanced back at her room.

Nat sighed and then turned Steph so she could look her in the eye. “I am only going to say this one more time. Steph, you look good. And he would have to be blind to not think you’re attractive.”

Steph flushed slightly. “Thanks…”

“Satisfied?”

Steph took a deep breath and then nodded. She stuffed her ID and money into the zippered pocket of her jacket. She hated leaving her sketchbook, but she couldn’t exactly take it to a party. Natasha grabbed her clutch and then ushered Steph out the door.

The party was apparently at some friend of a friend’s place. It was an old warehouse that had been converted into lofts. Bucky had explained this to her over the course of several texts. Even though they knew they would meet at this party, they spent the intervening days texting back and forth, mostly with things that started with _remember the time we…_

Even on the way there, Steph felt her phone buzz in the other pocket of her jacket. She pulled it out and smiled when she saw it was him, doubling checking they were still coming. She sent him a text to say they were running late, but they were on their way.

“You know it’s really obvious to tell when you’re texting him.”

Steph tried to hide the smile still on her face. “I have no idea what you mean.”

“Of course you do.”

“Well… shut up.”

“Good comeback.” Nat smiled widely. “Though it is adorable.”

They could tell they were headed the right direction from a block away. The ground vibrated from the music, and as they turned a corner, they could see which loft was lit up like a Christmas tree. No one tried to stop them as they walked in, though several guys immediately tried to get Natasha’s attention, especially when she let her coat slip off her shoulders. She smiled flirtatiously, but didn’t engage.

Steph wove her way through other party-goers, her head swiveling as she went. And then she spotted him. She stopped and Nat almost crashed into her, having been trying to keep up with her. She smoothed down her vest and made sure her hair was lying flat. Nat just rolled her eyes and grabbed Steph’s arm to drag her over to Bucky, who was talking to a group of guys, some of which Steph recognized as part of the band.

“Hey,” Steph said, trying to sound casual.

Bucky turned to look at them and then broke out into a smile. “Hey, Steph. So you did come.”

“I told you I would,” she said.

“I should have had more faith.”

Steph could tell Natasha was standing close behind her shoulder, so she half turned to look at her. “This is my friend, Natasha.”

“Natasha Romanoff,” she said as she held out her hand.

“Bucky Barnes,” Bucky said. He shook her hand and then smiled amusedly. “Steph told me you probably want to punch me.”

Nat smirked. “Well, I haven’t completely given up on the idea, but I’ll let it go for now. Though if you ditch her like that again, I will revisit the thought.”

“Duly noted,” he said.

“Besides, she’s adorable when she’s excited about something.”

“Nat!” Steph rounded on her and tried her hardest not to turn red.

Bucky smiled, but didn’t say anything. One of his friends nudged him in the side, so he turned back to them. “Oh yeah. Steph, these are my friends. You probably recognize these jerks.” He nodded his head to the three band members. “Morita, Gabe, and Dum Dum.”

“Hi again,” Morita said.

“Nice to finally meet you,” Gabe said.

“Yeah, cause Bucky has not shut up about you,” Dum Dum added. He was the one in the bowler hat, which he apparently wore everywhere. “If we hear “what are the chances” one more time, we’re going to go crazy.”

Steph laughed. “Really?” she asked as she looked up at Bucky.

He shrugged. “I mean, what are the chances?”

All three band members groaned. “Yeah, who would think the random chick he tried to pick up ended up being an old friend,” Morita said with a roll of the eyes.

“I thought you only wanted to see the drawing,” Steph teased. “And weren’t trying to hit on me.”

“That might have been a slight lie,” Bucky admitted.

“I could tell.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better,” Natasha said as she rested her arm on Steph’s shoulder, “this one hasn’t shut up about him either.”

“Anyway,” Bucky said. He waved his hand at the other three people in the group. “These are some other old buddies. Monty, Dernier, and Sam.”

The first two nodded. Sam held up his beer in greeting. “Hey.”

“He’s the one who knows someone who knows the person who owns this place.”

“Dude, you make it sound super shady when you put it that way,” Sam said. “Anyway, you ladies want anything to drink?”

“Oh definitely,” Nat said immediately. “Point me to the alcohol.”

Sam smiled and shifted all his attention to her. “I can show you. This way.” Nat smirked over her shoulder as she followed him.

“She’s got a boyfriend.” Steph frowned. “I think.” Natasha had certainly been on multiple dates with Clint by this point.

“He’ll figure that out eventually,” Bucky said. Then he turned back and smiled down at her. “You look really nice, by the way.”

Steph smiled and looked down. “Thanks…”

He stuck his hands in his pockets. “So do anything interesting in the last few days? Find any new bizarre people to draw?”

Steph shook her head. “Unfortunately no. Haven’t had much time to go out. Work’s been a bitch.” She smirked to herself. “But _someone_ did put up a bad caricature of the boss on the office bulletin board the other day.”

Bucky laughed. “And you say I’m the trouble-maker.”

“You were the trouble-maker,” she shot back.

“Okay, this I want to hear,” Morita said. “Please, tell us how little Bucky got into trouble.”

“We were in middle school, we weren’t babies,” Bucky said.

Steph smirked and clasped her hands behind her back. “You haven’t heard any stories?”

“Not really,” Gabe said. “He doesn’t talk much about anything before high school.”

“Ah…” Steph glanced up at him, but he shrugged and nodded his head for her to continue.

“Knowing them, they’ll get it out of you one way or another.”

Steph smiled at him, and then smirked when she faced the others again. “Well, one day I was telling him about this hidden passageway in the elementary school I went to. He moved there after elementary, so he never went to that one. There was this staircase you could get to between two buildings, that you could only access from the top floor, if you could sneak up, because there was no door at the top. But the top floor was off limits. So he says that sounds cool and we should totally try to get in.” She smirked up at him, and he just smiled and shook his head.

“You can’t talk about secret passageways and hidden staircases to an eleven year old boy and expect him to resist.”

“So he convinced me. We lived close enough to the elementary school that it was a short walk to get there. It was… what, an evening over the summer?” She looked up at him for confirmation.

“Yeah, the summer between sixth and seventh grade.”

“So no one was at the school. There was this tall chain-link fence that ran around the perimeter, but the school was built on a hill. So behind the school was a driveway that dipped down, with planters on either side. The fence was only a couple of feet taller than the planters, so it was easy to scale.”

“Wouldn’t the school building itself have been locked?” Gabe asked.

“You would think,” Steph said.

“Back door was unlocked,” Bucky said. “So it really wasn’t our fault. General incompetence there.”

“So we got in,” Steph continued. “We even got up to the top floor and found the staircase, but the whole place was completely dark, so we couldn’t see anything. Until this janitor found us and scared the shit out of us.”

Bucky laughed. “Oh yeah, that’s right.”

“Apparently someone saw people sneak into the school and thought it was vandals. They were really surprised to find a couple of eleven year olds. They told us over and over how lucky we were they didn’t call the cops.”

“But they did call our parents.”

“So we got the “I’m disappointed in you” speech.” Steph laced her fingers together behind her back. “It was definitely the worst thing I had done to date.”

“It wasn’t the worst thing I had done.”

“Because _you_ were the trouble-maker. You just roped me into it.”

Sam and Natasha walked back over with a couple of drinks. “What’re we talking about?” Sam asked as he passed a few beers around.

“What Bucky and Steph got up to as kids,” Dum Dum supplied.

Nat passed a drink to Steph. She looked down into the red solo cup and couldn’t identify the liquid. “What is this?”

“It’s good. You’ll like it,” Nat said.

“You didn’t get it from anyone sketchy, right?” Steph asked.

Nat rolled her eyes. “I made sure it’s not drugged. Just drink it.”

Steph sipped the drink, and Nat was right. It was good. But she still had no idea what it was.

“So got any more stories?” Sam asked.

Steph smirked. “Oh, plenty.” And she launched into another time they got into trouble, this time while school was in session. Bucky interjected every now and then with details she forgot. She smiled up at him fondly a few times. Once, she caught Natasha’s eyes, and she had that knowing smirk on her face. So Steph knew when they got home, she wasn’t going to hear the end of it. So maybe she was crushing, a bit.

Some of Bucky’s friends wandered off during the stories, and other people joined them. Some people tried to hit on Nat, and she shut them down. While sometimes the conversation just turned around to only her and Bucky.

When a certain song came on, Nat came up behind her and grabbed her hand, dragging her towards the dance floor. “This is my song! Let’s go dance!” She ground right up next to Steph as they started to dance. She looked over Steph’s shoulder and grinned wickedly. “Ooh, he looks like he wishes he was the one doing this.”

“Shut up!” Steph hissed.

“It doesn’t take a genius to see how hard you’re crushing on him,” Nat said.

“I’m not crushing.”

“You’re a twelve year old with a crush.”

“You’re so mean to me. And I thought you were still mad at him?”

“How can I be mad when you look so happy when you’re talking with and/or about him?” She took Steph’s hand and made her spin so she could catch sight of Bucky watching them.

She turned away in embarrassment. “But we’re just friends.”

“You think if you say that enough it’ll be true?” A guy tried to sidle up behind Nat, and she slyly moved away from him, dragging Steph with her. “Besides, you don’t want it to be true.”

“Okay, well, maybe… but…” Steph bit her lower lip.

“No buts. Just go make out with him, or something. Usually works for me.”

“You’re usually only after a one-night stand.”

“Oh yeah.”

When the song changed, Natasha lost interest. She rolled her eyes and said, “Why does anyone like this song? You can’t even dance to it,” before she moved off and let Steph get back to Bucky.

By the end of the night, Steph found herself alone with Bucky. His friends were off elsewhere, and even Natasha left to see if she could catch Clint as he was getting off his shift at the bar. The party started to thin out, so Bucky said, “Hey, you hungry? There’s a 24-hour diner near here.”

As soon as he asked, she realized she was, so she nodded eagerly. “Yeah, ‘m starving.” It didn’t help that all she had was the drink Natasha had given her earlier. Also, whatever had been in it made her a bit woosy. She stumbled slightly on the stairs, and Bucky grabbed her arm to keep her from falling. “Sorry, I’m a lightweight,” she said.

“After one drink?” he asked incredulously.

“Somehow I think there were several types of alcohol in that drink. So, yes, food is good.”

The diner wasn’t bad. It wasn’t the best ever, but diner food was always passable. She pretty much inhaled her fries and then started to fight with Bucky over his remaining fries. They only barely managed to keep themselves from descending into a food fight.

“We are grown adults!” she said. “We should be above having a food fight.”

He pointed a french fry at her. “The important word in that sentence is _should_.”

By the time they left the diner, it was incredibly late, so much so, that even Nat would be surprised with her. Though, Steph figured she was going to go home with Clint. A quick text confirmed that.

“This was fun,” Steph said as they walked along the sidewalk. It was that sketchy time of night when no one was still going out, but people were still making their way home after long nights. “I don’t usually go to many parties, but…” she smiled “I’m glad I went.”

“Yeah, me too.” He had his hands in his jacket pockets as he walked slowly next to her.

She wrapped her arms around herself. The cold air was starting to get to her, and her feet hurt from wearing these shoes for the past several hours. She wasn’t really buzzed anymore, but she was started to get tired. So she didn’t put much forethought into her words. “I would really like to draw you…”

“What?” he asked. He looked down at her, but didn’t stop walking.

She realized she had said that out loud. “Oh, I mean… You know, do a proper drawing, or something. Not just a sketch.” She glanced at him. “Is that weird? Am I weird?”

He smiled. “It’s not weird. And I’m okay with that.”

“Really?”

“Sure, why not? You’re not going to make me sit for a portrait for hours or anything, right?”

“I’m not going to do an oil painting,” she said with a huff, and then she titled her head and touched her chin. “Though maybe watercolor… Or pen. I haven’t dragged those out for a little while. It would be good to get back into colorwork.”

“So… would I have to sit for hours?”

“No, no.” She waved her hand and shook her head. “I would do the sketch first, and then just clean it up and color it later.”

“Then, okay, sure. Why not?”

They stopped when they got to the subway. “Um…” Steph turned to look at him. “I’m line 2.”

“I’m the A train,” he said.

“Oh… Well… then I guess I’ll see you around.” She looked up at him.

“You good to get home okay?”

Steph rolled her eyes. “Yes. I can get myself home.”

“Okay…” He didn’t move away from her, though. “Text me when you get home?”

“Yeah…” She lingered for a moment, but then she tore herself away. “Night.”

“Night,” he said quietly. And then, “get home safe!” he yelled after her as she headed for her platform.

Steph spent the whole trip home debating whether or not she should have taken Nat’s advice. Though in the end, it was probably better she didn’t. As soon as she got home she sent Bucky a text. He responded before she could even lock her phone again. She smiled and kept texting him even as she changed into pajamas and crawled into her bed. It was Saturday, after all, she didn’t have anywhere to be in the morning.

_Night_ , she sent for the third time while she laid on her side in the dark, staring at her phone.

_Okay, for real, night,_ he sent back.

Steph smiled and turned her face into her pillow. She fell asleep with that smile on her face.

When Steph rolled out of bed the next morning, the sun was shining brightly through her window. She made a beeline for the coffee maker in the kitchen and fumbled with it slightly before she successfully got coffee grounds in the filter and turned it on. She leaned forward against the counter and yawned widely while she waited for the coffee. Apparently Maria had decided to spend the night elsewhere as well, so Steph was the only one in the apartment.

She looked out the window in the kitchen as coffee started to drip into the carafe. So far, Spring had been breezy and slightly overcast for the past several weeks. But they were coming up on summer. Soon it would get humid and hot and disgusting. But that morning, the sun was shining without a cloud in the sky. She grabbed her phone and checked the weather. It was going to be a perfect Sunday. So an idea came to her.

_Busy today?_ she texted to Bucky.

After a few minutes, the response she got was, _whyr u even awake_

Steph smiled at the message. _It’s almost 11!_ she sent back.

The coffee maker beeper, and she dragged a mug down out of the cabinet as she waited for a reply. She poured herself a cup and took a sip just as her phone buzzed again.

_Exactly_

Steph laughed out loud and then covered her mouth before she remembered she was alone in the apartment. _Shouldn’t you be used to getting up early?_

_I’ve taken full advantage of not having to do that,_ he texted, with a much shorter response time. She figured by the way he was using punctuation and full words that he was much more awake.

_So are you free today?_ she asked again.

_Sure. What’s up?_

Steph hesitated over how she wanted to word her suggestion. So she took a long drink from her coffee mug while she thought it out. _It’s nice out. Want to people watch at the park?_ She hovered her finger over the send button, and then pressed it. Before she could lose her nerve, she quickly added, _And maybe I could draw you too._

It was good she was alone in the apartment, because she could feel how warm her face was. She felt like an idiot for making the request. Maybe he was just being polite the previous night. Or maybe he was still slightly drunk and/or tired, and had since completely forgotten about what she asked.

_Sure. Where do you want to meet?_

She wasn’t sure if he had responded to her first text, or her second one. But he didn’t offer any clarification. So she didn’t repeat the question. She just told him where she normally would hang out in the park, and they agreed to meet in an hour.

She rushed to get showered and dressed so she would not be running late this time. She also told herself to just pick an outfit and not change it. It wasn’t like they were going to a party again. Last of all, she grabbed her sketchbook, an extra pencil, and then, on a whim, her colored pencils. She was out the door and on the way to the park with plenty of time to spare.

Incidentally, she did get there first. So she sat on an open park bench and looked around at the families and couples taking advantage of the beautiful day. A couple of boys were playing baseball out on the grass. There weren’t enough of them to play an actual game, so they were just taking turns pitching and batting. Steph found some space on a page in her sketchbook, so she started to draw the boys. She needed more practice with children, as she had discovered when she had been drawing her memories.

“So what’re you drawing this time?” a voice said right beside her ear.

Steph jumped and barely managed to pull up her pencil before she let it go skidding across the page. She spun around to see Bucky leaning on his forearms on the back of the park bench. “Jeeze, Bucky! You could have given me a heart attack!”

He smiled widely. “Pay back for making me get up this early.”

“You didn’t have to answer your phone!” she said as she swatted at him.

“Hey, hey, okay.” He held up his hands. “I’m sorry. You were concentrating so hard, I wanted to see if I could sneak up on you.”

“Well, obviously you could!” She crossed her arms and turned away from him. “That was mean.”

He laughed and moved around the bench to sit next to her. “Again, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”

“You better not.” She pretended to pout, but then she turned her sketchbook towards him. “Since you asked. What do you think?”

He took it and then glanced at the boys playing baseball, before looking back at the drawing. “You know, I’m always going to say your drawings are good.” He started to flip back to look through the other pages.

“No, wait!” she said as she realized what he was doing a second too late. He landed on a page that was covered with various sketches of them as kids. She let her hand fall lamely.

He looked at her with a question on his face, but he didn't say anything.

She took back her sketchbook gingerly and flipped it closed. “Please don’t think I’m a creepy psycho. I spent a lot of time thinking about when we were kids. And I always just… I can’t separate out what’s on my mind and what I draw. It’s like a visual journal for me.” She ran her hand over the cover of the sketchbook. It was a dark grey and had a white box with the sketchy image of a pencil in it. The sketchbook was spiral bound, and no where near anything fancy. But the paper was sturdy, and didn’t smudge her drawings as much as other paper. “No one else usually sees it.”

“Sorry, I didn’t ask first. That’s my fault,” he said quietly.

She shook her head. “I handed it to you.”

“And I don’t think you’re a creepy psycho.” She looked up at his face so she could see his expression. He smiled lightly. “I think it’s just you being you.”

“So…” She pressed the sketchbook into her chest and wrapped her arms around it. “Do you mind if I draw you?”

“Seems like you’ve already done that a lot.”

She flushed red. “I mean…”

“I know what you mean.” He smiled to show he was teasing. “And yeah, it’s okay.”

“Great!” She jumped up and then tugged on his left hand to pull him up. “Then let’s go find a good spot.”

He twitched away from her involuntarily, which made her frown at him. “Sorry,” he said, but he wouldn’t meet her eyes. He stuck his left hand in his jacket pocket, but then held out his right hand. “Lead the way.”

She took his hand tentatively, but didn’t ask about what had just happened. She could tell it wasn’t her, whatever it was, though. And he tried to make that clear. If he wasn’t going to tell her what was up with his hand, she wasn’t going to ask. So she took his right hand and dragged him over to a section of the park with large trees. The treetops stretched out pretty wide, which created decent shade, and a dappled sunlight effect on the ground.

“Here!” she said eagerly as she sat him down in front of one of the trees. She plopped herself in the grass and flipped to a completely blank page. She already decided this would be a whole-page drawing. She had him re-adjust a couple times, and when she settled on something she liked, she started sketching away.

“This is why I had to sneak up on you,” he said without moving. “You concentrate so hard.”

She glanced up and smiled at him. “It was still mean.”

“Granted.” He paused. “Can I make it up to you by buying lunch later?”

That made her laugh. “Really, it’s okay, Bucky. I’m not that mad about it.” She shifted so she could sit more comfortably.

“Can I still buy you lunch?”

“If you want. There’re some pretty good hot dog stands that set up here.” She glanced at him to make sure she had the pose right as she did a rough outline. “But only _after_ I get my drawing.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

She shook her head but didn’t look up. Her pencil flew under her fingers, and after a little bit, she lapsed back into her look of concentration. As she worked, she couldn’t help but notice that yes, he was really attractive. She titled her head down to try to hide her face because she knew she had turned red again.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“Nothing!” she said too quickly.

That just made him chuckle. “If you say so.”

They exchanged a few more words back and forth, and even talked about the weather at one point. But mostly, she concentrated on her drawing. It was honestly the longest she had ever taken on a character drawing, considering she mostly did speed sketches. When she finally felt satisfied enough that she could take it home and clean it up and color it later, she sighed and twisted her head back and forth to work out the creak in her neck. She set the drawing on her lap and smiled, pleased with herself.

“Done?” he asked.

“Yeah, I think so.”

He quickly scooted over. “Can I see?”

“No!” She pulled the sketchbook up to her chest to hide it. “Like I said, I want to clean it up. You get to see the finished piece.”

He held up his hands and shook his head. “Tease.”

She stuck out her tongue, but then smiled. As she flipped the sketchpad closed, her stomach rumbled loudly. She glanced at her phone and realized it was way past lunch. “Oh man, I am so hungry.”

Bucky pushed himself to his feet and then walked over to hold out his hand to help her up. “I know what you mean. I didn’t have breakfast.” She took his hand gratefully, and noticed it was once again his right hand.

“And I only had coffee today.” She stashed her sketchbook in her bag and brushed the grass off her jeans. She nodded her head towards where there were more crowds, and thus sure to be food.

“I hope we actually find a hot dog stand. I’m going to be really disappointed if there aren’t actually hot dogs,” he said as they made their way over.

“You wouldn’t even accept a taco truck instead?” She smirked up at him.

“Nope. It has to be hot dogs.” He smiled widely. “Especially if I’m buying.”

“I’m the one who asked you to come here and made you sit while I drew you.” Steph adjusted the straps of her bag on her shoulder. “I should be the one buying lunch.”

“Yeah, well, I called it.”

“You called it?” She laughed. “Okay, whatever you say. Then I call the next lunch.”

He smiled down at her. “Deal.”

Fortunately, they did actually find a hot dog stand. They wandered down the foot path around the pond, eating and watching other people at the park. The hot dogs were even pretty good. She complained a little bit more about her ridiculous boss, and he told her about the call center where he was currently working, though that wouldn’t last long. They discovered they had both seen a recent cheesy action movie, and spent the next several minutes gushing about all the cool fight scenes and special effects.

“So if you weren’t doing graphic design, what would you be doing?” Bucky asked after the conversation shifted again. He stuck his hands in his pockets as they meandered slowly.

“I don’t know,” Steph said honestly. “Probably some stupid desk job.”

“You wouldn’t focus more on your art?”

“Well…” Steph wrapped her hands around her elbows. “Occasionally selling my drawings, or getting paid to do one is nice. But I don’t want to try to make that my main source of income. For one, that’s a lot of work. For another, if I had to focus on making money out of it, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy it.” She look up at him. “Does the make sense?”

He nodded. “Your art is how you get away from work. So you don’t want to turn it into work.”

“Exactly.”

They finished their third lap around the pond when Steph’s phone buzzed a couple of times in succession. Figuring it was something urgent, or at least from someone who thought it was urgent, Steph paused so she could pull her phone out of her bag. She frowned when she saw several text messages from Natasha. The first was one were wondering why she wasn’t home, and then were followed by speculation about whether or not she had come home the previous night, or if she had gone to _someone_ else’s place. Steph shot down that theory with a shake of her head.

“Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Nat is just being… well herself.” She paused. “And she may just now be getting home from the night out.” Steph clicked out of the text message so she could check the time. “At… oh, wow! It’s after three!”

“Did you say three?” Bucky asked. “Shit. I promised the guys I’d meet them. I completely forgot.” He ran his hand through his hair. “I’m sorry. I’ve got to go. But I’ll text you.”

Steph nodded and tried to hide her disappointment. “Sure. Maybe we can do action movie and pizza next time?”

Bucky laughed. “Sounds good.” They stood there for a moment, looking at each other and waiting for the other to do something. “Well… see you later,” he said, and then moved around her and headed for the exit to the park.

Steph tried extra hard to not look as love-struck as she had the previous times she had gone home. But Nat still grilled her the second she stepped through the door. Even if she hadn’t slept with Bucky, she had essentially monopolized his time all weekend. She still managed to get to her room without revealing anything about the drawing she had done. She made sure the door was closed before she carefully removed the page from the sketchpad and got to work cleaning it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're just the sappiest, dorkiest saps that ever did live. And so am I. Actually, as my friend was reading this, she kept pausing to say, "Really? You're such a dork."


	5. Chapter 5

The next time Steph and Bucky met up, it was actually to have an action movie and pizza night, like she suggested. They met at her place, so Natasha and Maria periodically would come and go, saying lines along with the movies. Bucky brought the pizza, and Steph provided the movies. While they were planning what to watch, she had discovered he had never seen Top Gun.

“Wait, how can _you_ have never seen Top Gun? It’s a military movie!”

“I was in the army, not the Navy!” was Bucky’s only defense. But he was game to watch it, and ended up laughing through most of it.

Likewise, he found out she had never seen The Incredibles, even though one of her roommates owned it. There was a similar conversation that came from that. “You’re the artist. How do you not see every major animation movie that comes out?”

“I’m not a cartoonist!” she said. After watching the movie, she also wondered how she had never seen it, and almost wanted to watch it again immediately. So they decided to figure out what movies they loved that the other hadn’t seen. It was all part of their thirteen years of catch up.

Once Bucky’s friends found out what they were doing, they wanted to join. So half the time, they would watch whatever movie it was at the apartment Bucky shared with the three Howling Commandos band members. So Steph invited Natasha and Maria. Even Clint appeared occasionally if it was his night off. Though he and Nat would always disappear early.

Steph kept working on the drawing whenever she had time. With work and everything else, she didn’t have a lot of spare time to sit down and devote her energy to making the sketch look as perfect as she wanted it to. She dug out all her colored pencils, and found many colors had been shaved down to almost unusability, but she had never replaced them. She also found all her pens, and took the time after cleaning to sketch to carefully outline everything. Every time she and Bucky met up, he would ask about her progress, and she always said she was still working on it.

Clint convinced them all to meet up at the Triskelion sometimes, since he didn’t like being left out, but he had to work more often than not. Nat would spend the whole night leaning over the bar and flirting with him. One night, Clint even managed to get the Howling Commandos in again to play. Bucky and Steph stayed in the back the whole night while he made fun of his friends, and she drew more and more ridiculous outfits for them. At one point, they started playing a cover of one of her favorite songs, so she jumped up.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something like, “ _Really_? You like this song?”

But she just grabbed his arm and pulled him off his chair. She laughed and said, “Shut up and dance!” So they did for the duration of the song.

Later, after many of the other bar patrons had wandered off, and Steph had lost track of Natasha, she and Bucky sat conspiratorily close behind one of the small, round bar tables. She wasn’t even sketching anymore, because she was so engrossed in their discussion, in Bucky, in his eyes.

The conversation trailed off, and left a pregnant pause. Steph leaned forward half an inch, willing to just take the chance, but she heard someone yell her name from across the room, “Steph!”

It was Maria, who had shown up at some point with her current boyfriend. Steph immediately jerked back and got up to greet her roommate and let herself be introduced to this new guy. They had apparently been at another party, but decided to check and see if Steph and Nat were still at the Triskelion. Steph nodded numbly, and absolutely would not look at Bucky’s face.

When they parted that night, Steph was too embarrassed to linger. At least when Maria learned what she had potentially interrupted, she was really sorry. But the apology was quickly followed by, “Wait, but you really haven’t kissed yet?”

And then just like that, late Spring gave way to Summer, and Steph found herself at the beginning of July. While everyone else was looking forward to the day off, and the parties, barbeques, and fireworks that would come with it, this time of year always made Steph edgy. She had spent too many elementary school years being made fun of for having the same birthday as America. So some point before middle school, she stopped telling people. Somehow, Natasha found out. Steph never really knew how, especially because she never told Nat, and since it was a summer birthday, it never was acknowledged at school. Steph had a theory Nat had broken into her school file once and discovered it there. As soon as she did discover it, though, Steph made her swear to secrecy.

Each year, Natasha would try to convince Steph to do something birthday-related, rather than just Independence Day-related. And each year, Steph would shoot her down. This year was no exception. After one half-assed attempt, Nat gave up. Instead, a bunch of them were going to the river to drink beer and watch fireworks. On July 3rd, Steph finally finished coloring the drawing.

She almost couldn’t believe it, and had to put it on the wall and take a step back from it to really tell it was complete to her satisfaction. But yes, it was good. She had worn down the greens, blues, browns, and black to almost non existence, but she was extremely happy with her piece of art. So she texted Bucky and told him to meet at her apartment beforehand the next day, so they could go to the river together.

His text back was, _Sure. Works out perfect for me._

She didn’t know what he meant, but she didn’t bother questioning it, and instead ran out to the art supply store before it closed to buy a mat frame for the drawing.

The next morning, Steph slept in because she didn’t have to go to work. She wandered out of her room late in the morning, still wearing pajamas, and found Natasha sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in her hands. She gave Steph a knowing smirk, but didn’t say anything. So Steph moved past her for her own coffee mug. A few minutes later, Maria rushed past them.

“I’ve got to get to work, but I’ll see you guys tonight!” she yelled over her shoulder.

“Bye!” Steph called after her. The sound of the front door closing was the response. Probably running late. She sat down at the kitchen table across from Nat, and found she still had that infuriating little smirk on her face.

“What?” Steph asked.

Nat’s smirk turned into an honest smile and she said, “Happy birthday.”

Steph groaned and busied herself with drinking more coffee. “You didn’t tell anyone, right?”

“No, no,” Nat assured her.

“And you’re not planning to.” Steph eyed her warily.

Nat didn’t answer right away because she took that moment to slowly sip her coffee, with her mug held between both hands. She watched Steph over the rim of her cup. When she finally put it back down, she said, “No. I will not reveal your secret birthday to anyone.”

“Okay, then what…?”

Nat smiled and shook her head. “You’re so weird.” She reached under the table and picked something up off the seat of one of the chairs that had been pulled in against the table. She set it on the table in front of Steph. It was clearly a book. A book wrapped in birthday wrapping paper. “Happy birthday.”

Steph looked down at the gift in surprise. “Can I open it?”

“Of course.”

Steph set her mug down carefully and picked up the book to unwrap it. She was greeted with a highly stylized history of graphic design written by one of the leading names in the field. Steph would be lying if she said she hadn’t been lusting after this book ever since she heard about it. “Oh my god, Nat. This is amazing.” She looked up at her friend and gave her a real smile. “Thank you.”

“Thought you’d like that.”

“Yeah.” Steph flipped through the pages and relished the different images that popped up at her. “I can’t wait to read it.”

“See what happens when people know it’s your birthday. They buy you gifts.”

Steph rolled her eyes, but she still smiled. “Yeah, yeah.”

Nat still had that sparkle in her eye, like there was something else up her sleeve. But she didn’t say anything more, even when Steph thanked her again for the book and started reading the foreword, which was by a very famous book cover designer with a witty writing style. She didn’t say anything more about Steph’s birthday or what else she obviously knew that Steph didn’t all day. And she headed out before Steph, because Steph was waiting for Bucky.

“I’ll see you there,” Natasha said. She gave Steph that knowing smirk and disappeared out the door.

It was only about twenty minutes later when Bucky got there. He had a backpack with him, since he was tasked with bringing beer. He set it down in the living room and followed her into her room when she beckoned him.

While she was really proud of the drawing, she was a bit nervous of his opinion. She smiled shyly and plucked the piece off her desk. “Okay. Ready?”

He nodded, a smile on his face that reflected in his eyes.

“Ta da!” she said as she flipped the frame over to reveal the actual drawing. And then she held it out towards him. “I finished!”

He took the drawing, and held it by the frame as his eyes raked over the details.

Now that she had nothing to hold, Steph’s fingers immediately laced together, and she tried to keep from wringing her hands, even though her nervous habit wanted her to be doing something. “What do you think?” she asked a bit tentatively.

Bucky smiled again and looked up to meet her eyes. Steph thought she could melt into that look, the way his blue-gray eyes were looking at her with so much care. “I know I say you are talented and your stuff is amazing, Steph. But this. This is fucking incredible.”

Steph smiled, pleased with herself. She tried so very hard not to flush red, but she knew she did anyway. She had never been given so much praise before. Even though Nat always called her drawings good, Bucky treated them like the greatest things he had ever seen.

He looked back down at the drawing, and soaked in the details. Steph joined him at his side so she could see where he was looking. While she had originally thought to take up the whole page with his figure, she had decided against it. He only took up a small section. The rest was the tree and the park and the sky. Though there were no other people in it. It looked like he was sitting against a tree in the middle of nowhere. As Steph colored and lined each aspect, it brought on a relaxed feeling of peace, imagining the scene.

“I want you to have it,” she said. It wasn’t something she had thought out beforehand. But she suddenly realized that was exactly what she had intended all along.

“What?” He turned and looked at her again. “I can’t take this from you. You worked so hard on this.”

“Yeah.” Steph smiled and looped her arms behind her back. “That’s why I want you to have it. It’s a gift. Now accept it, or I’ll be upset!” she said teasingly.

He smiled and shook his head. “Okay, okay. But if that’s how you’re going to be, I have something for you.”

He took the drawing and headed back for the living room. “You do?” Steph asked. She followed him in confusion. He went to his backpack, and she took the drawing because she had a plastic bag for it so it wouldn’t get ruined. When she handed it back to him, he held out a simple brown box wrapped with a thin ribbon. He took the drawing and put the box in her hands.

“How did you…” she started to say as she stared down at the box.

“Kind of hard to forget someone’s birthday when it’s on a national holiday.” He smiled kindly down at her. “Happy birthday, Steph.”

Steph looked at him. She wracked her brain, and tried to remember. She had met Bucky after she stopped telling people when her birthday was. They had only been friends across one of her birthdays. And then she remembered. She had mentioned it in an off-hand way, at a barbeque the whole block was having for the 4th. He had been completely shocked that she didn’t want her own party. And then proclaimed how cool it was that she got fireworks on her birthday every year. He had told her to just pretend they were for her when she pointed out that they were for Independence Day.

Steph gripped the edges of the box. Her chest felt tight for some reason she couldn’t place. Though it might have been because Bucky remembered her birthday all these years later. And he had gotten her a gift. She carefully untied the ribbon and pulled the box open. A soft gasp left her lips when she saw what was inside.

“Oh, Bucky…” She carefully pulled out the new set of colored pencils, new pens, and to top it all off, a brand new sketchpad. She had almost completely used up her current one, and didn’t have another stocked up. So she was needing one soon, anyway. It was even the brand she preferred over all others. And the colored pencils and pens were no cheap gift. They were each a pretty penny. “This…” She was having difficulty with words. “This is too much… I can’t accept such a gift. This must have cost…”

“Hey,” he said to cut her off. “What were you just saying? You have to accept it, or I’ll be upset.” He smiled as he mimicked her. “Besides, it’s worth it.” He held up the drawing. “You’re giving me this, after all. And this should easily cost way more than all that.”

She looked up at him and smiled genuinely. “Thank you, Bucky. Really, thanks…” She carefully set the box on the couch and bounced up onto her toes to wrap her arms around him. “It’s a fantastic gift.”

He seemed a bit surprised by the physical contact, and stiffened slightly at first. But then he wrapped one arm around her and hugged her back. “You’re welcome,” he said into her hair.

She realized she was still latched onto him, and moved back quickly. “How did you even know about all this?” she asked as she picked up the box again.

“I maaaaay…” he drew out the word “have recruited some help from Natasha.”

“That’s what that was all about!” Steph said a bit more loudly than she intended. “She knew, of course she did.” Steph shook her head.

“She was able to tell me what type of pens and pencils you like best, and I recognized the sketchbook you always carry.”

Steph laughed despite herself. “Well, thank you for all the effort.”

“You are very welcome,” he said as he tipped his head into a half bow, which made her laugh again.

“Okay. We should get going.” She stashed the box in her room and grabbed her stuff.

Later that night, after all the beer had been drunk by the lot of them, and firework after firework had gone off, illuminating the otherwise dark (albeit light-polluted) night, Steph found herself sitting next to Bucky a little ways away from the rest. Far enough, at least, that he could lean over to her and ask, “So, how does this birthday compare?”

She smiled widely and bumped her shoulder against his. “Best birthday I’ve had in a long time.”

 

“So, not waiting for someone who will stand you up this time?”

Steph rolled her eyes as she took her glass from Clint and handed him money. He smirked at her from across the bar. “No, I’m meeting Bucky tonight, not Nat.”

“So are you two dating yet?” Clint asked as he leaned his palms on the bar. “Or do you and he just do all the couple stuff without any of the, you know, sex?”

Steph shook her head. “We’re just friends.”

“Uh huh. Sure. I can tell.” He gave her that knowing smirk Natasha sometimes wore. In fact, Steph wouldn’t be surprised if he had learned it from Nat.

Someone tried to get his attention from the other end of the bar, so he wandered off to actually do his job. Steph was early, so she pulled her brand new sketchbook out of her bag to draw. She paused a moment and ran her fingers over the new, matte cover. A small smile came to her face as she did. It gave her a little thrill to think Bucky had given this to her.

After a moment, she flipped back the cover and started to sketch. Rather than draw the bar patrons, she let whatever happened to come to her mind appear on the page. Fireworks popped in starbursts at the top and a sleek train made its way along an elevated track along the bottom. She stopped paying attention to the rest of the bar as her attention zeroed in on her drawings.

“Really? You’re drawing at a bar?”

Steph jumped and looked up from her sketchbook. A guy was sitting next to her at the bar, leaning towards her. He had black hair that was slicked back and very tan skin. In fact, he looked like the perfect example of a stereotypical Jersey jerk. Steph shifted on her stool, and pulled the sketchbook closer to her chest. “Yeah, so?”

“That’s even worse than reading a book at a bar.” He smirked and leaned forward. “If you’re that bored, I can show you a good time.”

Steph just barely restrained the eye roll she wanted to do. “I’m not bored.” She looked back down at her sketchbook like she was going to keep drawing, but her groove had been interrupted. She hoped the jerk would just go away.

“Then let me buy you a drink.” He didn’t go away, he leaned closer and smirked at her.  “You’re too pretty to be sitting here alone.”

Steph picked up her glass so he could see she already had a drink. “No thanks.”

“Then I’ll get your next one.”

“Look, I’m not interested at all,” she said, since he didn’t seem to get it.

“Why not? You here with someone or something?”

Steph glared down at her sketchpad. “That shouldn’t matter. I just said no.” She could feel the sudden flash of anger, and tried to keep from utterly lashing out.

“Then what’re you doing at a bar?”

Steph’s head snapped up and she slammed the sketchbook closed. “I have as much right to be here as anyone else. And I don’t have to be looking for a one night stand.”

He sneared at her. “You don’t have to be such a bitch. You should be flattered.”

“I should be flattered some asshole is harassing me?” Steph shot back. She didn’t mean to, but she slipped off her stool so he wasn’t quite towering over her as much.

In response, he stood too, and he was much taller than her. “You’re not even that good looking, you cunt.”

“Oh yes, turn around and insult me. That makes you look better. You should learn that when someone says no, it means no.” She tried to stand as straight as possible, but it didn’t make much difference to her height. However, she did not back down even though he was practically twice her size.

“I’m trying to pay you a compliment, bitch.” Before she could stop him, he snatched her sketchbook out of her hands. “You must not get any action cause you’d rather do this.”

“Hey!” she said and wrestled the sketchbook out of his hands. Her heart hammered in her chest not because she was afraid for herself, but because she was afraid he would destroy her birthday gift. For a moment, he resisted, but she did get the sketchbook back.

The movement must have caught Clint’s attention, because she heard him yell from across the bar, “Hey!”

Before he could reach them, though, or before the jerk could try to do anything else, his face slammed into the bar top. Steph took a step back in surprise, and realized it was because Bucky had shoved his face down, and was currently twisting his arm behind his back.

“Get the fuck away from her,” he snarled as he leaned his left forearm onto the back of the guy’s neck while he used his right hand to twist his arm further up his back.

“Get the hell off me!” The guy tried to struggle, but to absolutely no avail. He winced like he was in real pain. Considering how Bucky was twisting his arm, he probably was.

“Bucky!” Steph yelled.

The was when Clint reached them. “Hey, man,” he said. “Let him go.”

Bucky glanced at them, and in one fluid motion, released the jerk’s arm and stepped back, removing the pressure from his head. The guy pushed himself away from the bar and turned to glare at the three of them as he massaged his shoulder. “What the hell is your problem?” He glanced at Steph. “So you are here with someone.”

“That’s right, she is,” Bucky said back viciously.

“That doesn’t matter!” Steph said at the same time. She looked up at Bucky, frustrated that he had jumped in like some knight in shining armor.

“Rumlow,” Clint said, to get the guy’s attention. “You’re done. Get out.”

“What?” He rounded on Clint, but Clint was not intimidated easily. “He attacked me.”

“And I saw you harassing her. Now get out.”

Rumlow glared at Clint, then looked back at Steph and Bucky. “Fucking bitch,” he said, before he stalked out of the bar. They had caught the attention of a lot of people near them, who all hastily turned away when it seemed like the altercation was over.

Bucky glared at Rumlow’s retreating back, then he looked down at Steph in concern. “Are you okay?”

She was halfway through taking a deep breath to calm her anger, but it spiked right back up. She glared up at Bucky. “What was that?” He seemed surprised to find her anger directed at him. “I didn’t need rescuing!”

“That guy was bothering you. I was trying to help.” He seemed more confused than defensive.

“I can take care of myself!” She groaned in annoyance and stuffed the sketchbook back in her bag. In one quick motion, she grabbed her glass and drained the rest of the contents. “See you later, Clint.” She said over her shoulder and then she stormed out of the bar.

“Better go after her,” she could just hear Clint say before she was out in the dark night. It was a muggy, disgusting kind of summer night. Even though the sun had long since gone down, the asphalt held in the heat. It was like walking on a toaster.

“Steph, wait!” she heard Bucky jog up to her as she walked quickly from the bar.

“I’m not some little damsel in distress!” she yelled as she continued to walk. She didn’t look at him, but she could tell he was next to her. His longer legs meant it was no trouble to keep up with her.

“I don’t think you’re a damsel in distress,” he said.

“I had that!” She finally stopped so she could glare up at him again. “Now it looks like I had to be saved by a man!”

“I wasn’t trying to do that,” he said honestly. “Really, Steph, I saw that guy getting up in your face and I thought he was going to try something.”

She huffed out her annoyance and crossed her arms tightly across her chest. “I don’t need saving.”

“I don’t think you do.” He paused. “You are okay, right?”

She could feel the anger ebbing. She wasn’t mad at Bucky, not really. She was just directing her anger towards him. “Yeah,” she sighed, the annoyance still clear in her voice. After a moment, she ran both hands through her hair to release pent up tension. “I want ice cream. There’s a place that’s open til midnight near here somewhere that has ice cream. Let’s go get ice cream.”

“Okay.” It sounded like he couldn’t tell if he was supposed to be amused or still concerned. But he let her lead him down the block until they found the ice cream place. She got a scoop of vanilla and he got chocolate in little paper cups. They wandered away from the shop and found a dark playground where they could walk in relative peace.

He didn’t say anything, and she silently fumed and ate her ice cream a bit more aggressively than was required. About halfway through, the anger was replaced by the low, unhappy feeling that usually came after things like this. She finished the last drops of vanilla and tried to toss her cup into a trash can that was not quite close enough. The cup bounced off the side and landed on the ground. She sighed and wandered over to scoop it up and properly deposit it.

“Of course,” she said as she shook her head.

Bucky, however, was able to make his ice cream cup into the trashcan from even further away, in one smooth shot, along with the plastic spoon.

Steph gaped at him. “How did you do that?”

He shrugged his right shoulder. “I told you. I’ve got really, really good aim.”

“I’d like to see you and Clint face off at darts,” she said as she wandered back over to him. When she stood in front of him again, she sighed and wrapped her hands around her arms, not in her angry stance from earlier, but in the resigned way she normally held herself. “I’m sorry for lashing out at you,” she said. “It’s frustrating as hell to get unwanted attention, and then for them to turn around and try to pass it off as something I should be thankful for.”

He frowned at he looked down at her. “I’m sorry…”

“They back off if you’re with someone, like somehow you are owned by your boyfriend and only he can be the one to say you’re unavailable.” She slipped into the second tense, as she recalled numerous occasions where this happened with Nat, or even Maria. She looked up and met his eyes. “So when you come charging in like that, it defeats the point I’m trying to make.”

“Oh,” he said a bit lamely. “I didn’t think about it like that.”

“It’s kind of an invisible problem unless you have to deal with it.” She shrugged both shoulders. “That’s why I was upset.”

“Then I’m sorry. But Steph, you couldn’t expect me to see that guy harassing you and not do something. If you saw one of your friends in that position, would you just stand there and let them deal with it on their own?”

“Well… no, but…”

“It wasn’t about trying to come to your rescue because I thought you couldn’t handle it. I care about you, so I’m always going to jump to your aid.” He smiled a bit. “Besides, I know how tough you are.”

She smiled too and then she looked down. “Okay, I see your point.” She looked at him again. “I am sorry for yelling, then.”

He shook his head. “It’s okay. You were angry. And that guy was an asshole.”

“You slammed his face into the bar!”

“And if he had tried to fight back, he would have seen what military training really looks like.” Bucky said it completely nonchalantly, but she knew he was serious. Sometimes she forgot that he was actually really dangerous. Based on the very little he had told her about his time in the army, he had definitely killed people.

“Then it’s probably good he didn’t fight back. Clint would have had to throw us all out.” She shifted back and forth between her feet.

“Yeah, I didn’t really think that part through.”

Steph smiled. “Well thank you, Bucky, for wanting to help,” she said sincerely. “And not because you were trying to protect me.”

He laughed. “You’re welcome. That’s what friends are for, right?”

“Guess I’m used to standing up for myself.” She shifted her bag on her shoulder.

“Well, I’ll always stand up for you.” He smiled down at her. “Promise.”

“Cause you’re my friend?” she asked.

“There may be another reason, too,” he said softly. His eyes never left her face.

“What’s that?” she asked quietly.

He didn’t say anything for a moment as he looked at her. “This,” he said at last. And then he reached out and tenderly took her face in his hands and leaned down so he could kiss her.

Steph didn’t react immediately. She was too surprised by the turn of events. But all at once, she seemed to realize they were kissing, that Bucky was kissing her. She had honestly been thinking about this for months, and it was finally happening. She leaned up on her toes to decrease some of the height difference and gripped a fistful of his T-shirt under his open jacket in her hand.

She could feel him smile under her lips, but he didn’t lean away. Instead, he moved his left hand so he could loop his arm around her waist and pull her closer. She braced her other hand against his chest as she chased the kiss. Even when she started to feel light-headed from the lack of air, she didn’t pull back. So by the time they did part, they were both breathing hard. She didn’t move out of his arms, though. They stood just as close and she leaned into his right hand, which was still against her face. His hand was warm in a pleasant way.

“I think that’s a pretty good reason…” she whispered with a smile. She reached up so she could put her hand over his.

“Glad you approve,” he said with a chuckle.

“Though I think we need to do that again.” Her eyes sparkled mischieviously as she leaned up to kiss him again. He was more than happy to comply.

They stood on that playground, kissing in the dark, perhaps later than they should have. Finally, some still rationally thinking parts of their brains told them they couldn’t stay out there all night. So they made their way to the closest subway entrance. She held onto his hand as they walked, and every now and then he had to stop to pull her close and kiss her again.

When they reached the subway, and thus reached the point where they had to part, Steph kissed him for a solid sixty seconds before pulling back. For half a moment, she considered inviting him back to her apartment. But she didn’t know if Natasha or Maria were there. And this had only just happened. She didn’t want to rush anything in her excitement. So she kissed him quickly, one more time, and then let his fingers slip out of her grip.

Bucky smiled and took a step back, even though it almost looked like it physically pained him to do so. “Are you free tomorrow? Can I see you tomorrow?”

“Yes!” she breathed out in a rush. She was using all her self-restraint to keep from pulling him into her arms again. “Yes, I’m free tomorrow. I’ll text you.”

He nodded eagerly. “Then I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night.” He took another step back, but didn’t turn away yet.

“Night…” she said quietly as she also moved back. Before either of them could change their minds, she turned away and hurried to her train.

She was right to think Natasha would be home. And there was no way to hide the huge smile on her face as she walked through the door, bouncing on the balls of her feet. It felt like she was on cloud nine.

Nat saw her expression and immediately said, “Okay, what happened with your boy now?” She jumped up from the couch. “Your expression is going to become a barometer of major points in your relationship.”

Steph didn’t even mind the teasing. “Speaking of relationships…” she said, trying to at least hide the excitement a bit.

But Nat caught it, and realized what it meant. Since Steph was dying to tell, it didn’t take much to get the whole story out of her. She didn’t have the heart to even tease Steph about it like she would have normally because she could tell how honestly happy Steph was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So as I was coming up with my posting schedule, I completely forgot I'd be bumping up against Comic Con, which is where I'm going to be for the next five days, working. So, unfortunately, the next chapter probably won't be up for about a week.
> 
> So I'll just leave this " _Finally_!" chapter here.
> 
> (I also realized I could have synced this up better so this chapter actually fell on July 4th, but oh well.)


	6. Chapter 6

Natasha and Clint and everyone else were right. Steph and Bucky really already been doing all the normal couple things without actually being a couple. So the only real difference that came from their official couple status was more physical contact. And they spent even more of their free time together, though it was hard to believe that was still possible.

Nat held off teasing Steph for about a week, out of respect to how happy Steph suddenly was. After that, though, she became annoyed with the way Steph never seemed to shut up about Bucky. Any time she wasn’t in his presence, she was talking about him, just gushing on and on. Nat never said it, because she was way past the point of saying it, but it was clear Steph was falling hard and fast. Whatever floodgates had held back her crush had broken, and it was clear she was falling completely in love with Bucky.

The problem was she didn’t know how to say it. How did a person normally go about confessing their love? Should she just randomly say something like, “Hi, by the way, I’ve fallen in love with you?” And then what if he didn’t feel the same? Obviously he liked her, and he was attracted to her. But what if he wasn’t in love with her?

When Steph expressed this concern, Nat actually got up from the couch so she could walk over and physically smack her upside the head. After an “Ow! What was that for?” Natasha told her she was being an idiot, and it was obvious he loved her.

But Steph had trouble taking that to heart. It was hard for her to grasp the concept that someone actually wanted her. Natasha was so naturally beautiful, so it was easy to see why guys wanted her. But Steph didn’t think of herself that way. She didn’t think she was particularly unattractive, but she felt so standard compared so someone like Natasha. While she had dated before, it was nothing too serious. So some small part of her was afraid this would all suddenly disappear. That one day, Bucky would become bored with her. So she was afraid to reveal too much of her heart. She didn’t want to make herself vulnerable.

These were things she never told Nat, though. She held them close to her chest. Whenever she was with Bucky, though, these thoughts would slip away. She would forget those insecurities because if they weren’t making out, he was was looking at her, only her. It was like he couldn’t take his eyes off her. But as soon as she was alone again, the insecurity would creep in, forcing her to analyze and overthink their developing relationship.

The solution to this was to obviously just spend more time with Bucky. So that’s what she did. Unfortunately, since they both lived with multiple roommates, they hadn’t progressed past making out and wandering hands. Neither of them was willing to push things further with roommates in the apartment, where anyone would be able to hear them. So really, not much had changed in their relationship, aside from more kissing.

That was until one night when Steph invited Bucky over for another pizza and movie night. Maria was out of town for the weekend with her current boyfriend. A half hour before Bucky was going to arrive, Natasha wandered past Steph in the kitchen and said, “I’m going out with Clint. We’ll be out really late. So I probably won’t see you until tomorrow morning. Have a good night.” If she was implying anything specific with that, she hid it well.

Steph only blinked at her stupidly and watched her get her shoes on, wave, and then leave the apartment. She hadn’t intended for this night to be anything more than pizza, a movie, some beers, and probably a lot of making out. She really didn’t have any ulterior motives in inviting Bucky over. But now that the possibility of more was presented to her, she suddenly became very nervous.

So when Bucky’s knock at the door came half an hour later, she almost jumped out of her skin in surprise. She opened the door nervously and fidgeted as she let him in. He seemed surprised to not see Nat or Maria there.

“We have the apartment to ourselves,” she informed him when he asked, and then glanced away because she could feel her face flush red.

“Ah,” he said in understanding. And then he smiled. “I’m sure Natasha did that on purpose.”

“Oh, I am absolutely certain she wanted to see how I’d react.” Steph put her hands on her hips and pretended to be exasperated.

He shook his head, but kept smiling. “C’mere,” he said as he pulled her close so he could kiss her. She flowed into the kiss easily. It felt so natural by this point, that her nervousness slipped away. Just because they had the apartment to themselves didn’t mean they had to try anything. They could just see what would happen.

She let a small sigh escape her lips as she pulled back to rest her forehead against his shoulder with her arms wrapped loosely around his waist. “She and her manipulative plans can just suck it.” Steph pulled back so she could smile up at him. “Pizza should be here soon. And it’s my movie choice tonight.”

Bucky looped his fingers through hers and let her drag him to the kitchen. “Yes it is. So what’s the movie tonight?”

Steph fished two beers out of the fridge and handed him one. It was a warm night. They were on the cusp of Autumn, but September held onto the summer heat. So the cold beer was good. Steph wore a tight tank top under an open plaid shirt, the sleeves of which were rolled up to her elbows. “We are going to watch Terminator,” she informed him.

“Really?” He took his beer appreciatively.

“What do you mean, really? It’s a great movie! If you don’t like Terminator, we might have a problem here.” She slipped out of his reach with a sly smile on her face.

“Oh, then I definitely like Terminator,” he said with a matching smile. He chased her across the kitchen as she took another step back teasingly.

When her back bumped up against the counter, Bucky moved in front of her. He set his beer down so he could put his hands on the counter on either side of her to keep her in place. She ended up pressed against it as she kissed him eagerly. They only stopped when the pizza arrived and forced one of them to answer the door.

Steph set the pizza box on the kitchen table and then pushed her plaid sleeves further up her thin arms. She was considering discarding the whole thing due to the heat. Holding the hot pizza box hadn’t helped. So she leaned over the kitchen counter and opened a window. The fading sun was still out, and the apartment wouldn’t really cool down until an hour after full dark.

Despite the heat, Bucky still wore his leather jacket. Steph had just gotten used to the fact that he wore it more often than not. And when he wasn’t wearing it, he was usually wearing a long-sleeved shirt. The heat apparently never bothered him as much as it bothered her. Probably had something to do with the time he spent in the army. She knew he had been stationed in the Middle East, but she didn’t know where. He only ever mentioned it in passing. Along with his family, it was a topic Bucky simply refused to talk about.

Steph had spent all day hiding inside, in the coolest part of the apartment, while she colored some of her sketches. She hadn’t even gone out in the heat, but she could still feel it. Not for the first time, she was glad for her short hair.

After getting down plates, she said, “We’re going to have to close that when we actually start the movie, though.” She nodded towards the window. “Unless we want everyone in the building to listen to the movie too.”

Bucky settled down at the kitchen table. “Pizza, first, then.” He scooped up a piece and folded in over, foregoing the plate altogether.

Even though the heat mostly didn’t bother Bucky, when Steph got up to close the window again, he slipped out of his jacket and dropped it on the back of the chair. He only wore a T-shirt underneath. So when Steph moved back around him, she could see his entire left forearm, which was shredded and covered with scars and pockmarks.

Her audible gasp made Bucky look up in surprise. But then he saw where she was looking and he sighed. “Yeah…”

“Oh my god, Bucky…” she whispered as she quickly sat in the chair next to him. It wasn’t like she had never seen his bare arms before, but never in decent light, when she could see the underside of his forearm. “What is this?”

He groaned and ran the fingers of his right hand through his hair. “Well, I did say it was a story for another time…” he sighed again and then fully turned his left arm over on the table so she could see the scars completely covered the inside of his arm from his wrist to above his elbow.

She reached out, but stopped short, with her fingers hovering over his arm. “Can I…?” she asked tentatively. He nodded, so she gently touched his skin and ran her fingers over the scar tissue. It gave his skin a nasty, mangled look, like someone had put putty through a blender and then slapped it onto his bones without smoothing it out. Some of the scars were bubbly and pink, and some were the color of his skin, but cast unnatural shadows across his arm.

“What happened?” she asked quietly as she looked up so she could meet his eyes.

He had been watching her fingers, but he looked up when she did. “Shrapnel,” he said as a simple answer. “Took most of it in my arm. It tore through my muscles, and cut down to the bone in some places.” He looked back down at his arm, where her fingers were still gently running over his skin. “They told me I was lucky I didn’t lose the arm. Lucky.” The way he said it, she knew he didn’t feel very lucky.

“Is that why you…” she trailed off, not wanting to say it.

“Left the army?” he finished for her. He looked at her again. “Yeah. Didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. Here, look.” He flexed his arm like he was going to squeeze his hand into a fist. But his fingers didn’t curl into a ball. They bent about halfway down to the second knuckle, but moved no farther than that, no matter how Bucky strained. “Can’t grip anything anymore,” he explained. “And a sniper’s no good if he can’t hold his sniper rifle.”

It was true Steph had only ever seen Bucky hold things or pick them up with his right hand. He was clearly right-handed, so she had never thought much about it. Because he still used his left arm. He just didn’t use his left hand.

“Even this took me months to achieve. I was in physical therapy for a long time after my arm healed, just learning what I could do with one hand, and what things I could do with my hand as it is.” He relaxed his arm. “I was angry for a really long time… Felt like a failure for getting injured. And it didn’t help that…” he hesitated and glanced at her, “well, my dad was disappointed in me too. Said I should have known better than to get an arm full of shrapnel.”

“What?” Steph said in shock. “Bucky, you could have _died_ , and he cared that you couldn’t stay in the army?”

Bucky shrugged. “That’s my dad.”

“How come he…? What kind of…” Steph fumed.

Bucky reached over with his right hand and put it on top of hers. “It’s okay. Besides, I met you again because of it. So it didn’t turn out that bad.” He tried to smile, but it didn’t fully cover the old pain there.

“I’m so sorry…” she said as sincerely as she could. She looked down at his arm again. “Does it hurt?”

“Sometimes,” he admitted. “But mostly, I just can’t do anything with it.”

Steph traced her fingers over the scars again, so he pulled back his right hand. “Can you feel this?”

“Yeah…” he said slowly. “The skin on top is fine, aside from being scarred. It’s the muscles underneath that are all screwed up. So I can feel your hands.” He paused. “Feels nice, actually.”

She kept running her fingers up and down his forearm. She didn’t know what to say. “I’m sorry” sounded so lame as a response, especially since she’d already said it. Bucky really had dealt with so much tragedy in his life. All Steph wanted to do was be able to sweep that away. If she could take her pencil and erase the pain in his life, she would. “Thank you for telling me…” she said at last.

He looked at her. “You’re actually… Well, the guys know, because they were involved. I had to tell my dad. And all those doctors tried to fix it. But you’re the first outside person I’ve told. It’s not something…” He looked away again.

“I know,” she said softly.

“But with you, it’s okay.” He looked at her and smiled again. This time is was a real smile. “Because it’s you, Steph.”

“Bucky…” She moved closer so she could kiss him. She ended up half in his lap as she brushed his hair back out of his face and kissed him urgently. “You know I’m here for you too,” she said when she pulled back. “Always.”

“I know.” He smiled and looped his arms around her back to keep her in his lap. “Thanks.”

She nodded and hugged him with her face turned into his neck. They sat like that for a quiet moment before she eventually got up to clean up the pizza remnants. He helped and they moved to the living room to settle down onto the couch to watch the movie.

“Sorry for getting so serious for a moment there,” he said.

She shook her head and pressed closer into his side. She gently took his left hand in hers and laced her fingers with his. He couldn’t fully grasp her hand, but she made up it. “I’m glad I know now. That you trust me with this.”

“Of course I trust you,” he said, and then leaned over to kiss the side of her head.

“It’s just another part of you.” She raised their hands so she could kiss his fingers.

He moved his arm around her shoulders when they actually started the movie. She leaned against him with her head on his shoulder. Throughout the first thirty minutes of the movie, they slowly slouched more and more down the couch, until he was lying fully on it with his head on the armrest, and she was lying half on top of him with her arm draped across his waist and her head on his chest.

That did not last long, however.

His arm around her back traced small circles up and down her back, until it found the bottom edge of her shirt, and then his fingers ghosted along her bare skin. She moved up to kiss the underside of his chin, and then she scooted closer to kiss him fully. In only a few seconds, they had completely forgotten about the movie. He dragged her completely on top of him with his arms wrapped around her as he pulled her into a deeper kiss.

She ran her fingers through his hair as she kissed him, enjoying the way gravity pressed their bodies together. His hands slid up her sides, over her tank top, but under the plaid shirt. So she pushed herself up to shrug the plaid shirt off her shoulders and toss it on the floor. She returned to the kissing with renewed passion and he eagerly ran his hands up and down her back, tracing the bare skin along her shoulders.

Steph nibbled on his lower lip and slid her knee up along the side of his leg, which made him groan slightly. His hands moved back down to the bottom edge of her tank top, and he slowly and tentatively slipped his fingers under the thin material to touch her bare skin. She shivered at the touch, but pressed closer and let him carefully slide the shirt up her back, tracing her spine as he went.

She kissed him slowly, almost teasingly. And when his hands reached the bottom edge of her bra, she pushed herself off and tugged her tank top over her head, leaving her nearly topless. She kissed him again and moved both hands down to seek out the edge of his T-shirt. He helped her get it off, and she eagerly slid her fingers along his bare chest, reveling in all that naked skin.

Even half naked, they took their time. She slipped her hand into his hair again, because she could never get enough of running her fingers through it. And he couldn’t seem to decide if he wanted his hands at her back or her waist or her bare shoulders. They were in no rush, though. They simply enjoyed touching all that bare skin as they kissed in slow, languid kisses.

Bucky kissed the side of her mouth and then moved his lips along her jaw and the front of her throat, peppering her skin with spots of fire. She sighed softly in contentment.

“By the way…” she mumbled as he traced his lips along her neck. “I think I’ve fallen completely in love with you.”

He didn’t stop his ministrations, but his hands tightened slightly on her skin. “Obviously,” he said between kisses. He paused so he could smirk up at her in amusement. “I recognize it from how I feel.”

She was going to say something about him being mean, but the thought left her mind when he started to suck a spot of her neck. Instead, all that came out was a quiet moan.

“In other words,” he continued as he ran his tongue over the same spot, “I’m in love with you too.”

“Bucky…” she moaned and pulled his head up to kiss him again, hard. His hands gripped her waist and she wrapped her arms around his neck. They exchanged deep, open-mouthed kisses, and Steph started to wonder if maybe she should suggest they move to her bedroom.

So if wasn’t entirely her fault that she didn’t hear a key in the lock or notice the front door had started to open until someone whistled and said, “Well, well, well.”

They jerked apart in surprise, and Steph sat up so she could look over the back of the couch to see Natasha and Clint standing in the doorway. That was when she realized she was sitting there with no shirt, in only her bra.

Steph almost fell off the couch in her scramble to get up and turn around. She quickly spun around and covered her arms over her chest. She was just thankful she had still been wearing her bra. “Natasha!” she said angrily.

“Hey, I didn’t know you two would be getting it on on the couch,” Natasha said back nonchalantly. Steph heard the front door close.

Steph glanced over her shoulder at Nat. “What happened to being out all night?”

“We got done early,” Nat replied simply. Clint opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but then he closed it and shook his head. At the very least, he wasn’t looking at Steph, and instead kept his eyes on the ceiling.

Steph knew every exposed piece of skin had to be bright red from her embarrassment. She felt Bucky tap her arm, and she turned to see he was holding her tank top in his hand. He had pulled his T-shirt back on. She quickly snatched the tank top and yanked it down over her head. She carefully straightened it and then found her plaid shirt lying on the coffee table. She pulled that on and wrapped the sides around her body, like a jacket.

“Okay,” she said, to signal they were dressed again.

“So did we interrupt something?” Natasha teased.

Steph’s face was still tomato-red. “We were… uh… watching a movie.” She glanced back at the TV to see the credits were rolling.

“Clearly,” Nat said with a smirk. “Don’t mind us. Continue with your _movie_.” She took Clint’s arm and pulled him towards her room. He mouthed “sorry” behind her back.

Steph took a deep breath and turned back towards Bucky, still with her shirt wrapped around herself and her arms crossed over her chest. He looked more amused than upset. “Well…” she said.

“Yeah.” He stuck his hands in his pockets. “So what do you want to do?”

“Um…” Steph chewed on her lower lip. To say the moment had been ruined would be an understatement.

“It’s okay,” he said. “Maybe we should call it a night.”

She nodded slowly. “Probably…”

He gathered his jacket, and then she walked him out of the apartment. She quietly closed the front door behind them and leaned back against it.

“I’m sorry,” she said quiet enough that she hoped Nat and Clint wouldn’t be able to hear them out in the hallway. “She totally did that on purpose.”

“Yeah, I kind of picked that up,” he said. He still seemed mostly amused, but was still clearly disappointed. “Maybe some other time…”

“Yeah…” Steph fidgeted. She looked up at him and then took his arm and leaned up to kiss him softly. “I love you,” she said just to hear herself say it again.

He smiled against her lips, and then said, “I love you too.” He pulled back and touched her hand. “Until next time, then.”

“Night…”

He waved and walked off. She watched him walk down the stairs and out of sight, and then she sighed and went back inside. She wandered over to the fridge and pulled out another beer. As she sat at the table drinking it, Clint wandered out, and she could hear the shower running, which must have been where Natasha was.

“I’m so sorry,” he said as he took a seat at the table across from her. “I had no idea you two would be here or…”

“I fully expect it was Nat’s idea to come back early.”

“Yup.” Clint leaned back in his chair.

“I should have known something was up.” Steph rolled her eyes.

“She will deny she did this on purpose, that she just forgot or something.” He shook his head. “But that’s not true.”

Steph grumbled and took a long pull on her beer. When she set the bottle back down, she said, “First she keeps trying to push me towards the relationship, and now she’s cock blocking me!”

“Tasha’s not doing it maliciously,” Clint explained. “She’s looking out for you.”

Steph rolled her eyes. “I am a grown adult. I can decide who I will sleep with on my own!”

Clint smiled in amusement. “It’s not that she doesn’t trust your judgment. It was a test for him, not you.”

“How do you know?” Steph sipped her beer and eyed him.

He shrugged. “The way she acted all night. I think she wanted to see what he would do if you were interrupted in the middle of getting it on. Especially if you didn’t want to continue.”

Steph raised an eyebrow. “He was the one who suggested calling it a night.”

“So he passed the test.”

Steph huffed out a sigh and shook her head. “Still. I can make these judgments and decisions on my own. It’s my relationship and my sex life.” She looked down the neck of the beer bottle and realized it was empty. “Besides, of course Bucky would pass that ridiculous test.” She couldn’t help the smile that came to her face. “He’s a good guy.”

Clint watched her and then leaned forward to rest his forearms on the table. “Yeah, but he already hurt you once. So can you blame Nat for caring?”

“That was a misunderstanding,” Steph said quickly.

“So I’ve heard.” Clint tilted his head slightly. “But you were still heartbroken after that.” When Steph opened her mouth to argue, he continued quickly, “Trust me, I’ve seen my fair share of heartbroken individuals. And that was you.”

“But that wasn’t intentional. He wasn’t trying to hurt me.”

Clint held up his hands to surrender the point. “Look, I’m just saying, that happened after you’d only talked to the guy for a couple hours. Now you’re completely head-over-heels in love with him. The fallout would be worse.”

Steph stood up so she could drag the bottle off the table and toss it in the recycling bag. “I don’t need you guys looking out for me.” She crossed her arms. “You make it seem like he tried to get in my pants the second we started dating, but it’s been weeks and we haven’t even…” She trailed of and she could feel the tips of her ears turning red.

“Hence the being sorry thing. I’m just the messenger here.”

“Also,” Steph spun around to face him again, “it’s real rich coming from her. You two got together by way of a one-night-stand!”

“Yeah, but that works for us.” Clint leaned back in his chair again. “You’re not that way, Steph.”

“Neither is Bucky.”

“Obviously. Otherwise you two would be better about exchanging numbers.”

Steph rolled her eyes, but she did smile. “Well, we found each other again, so that’s all that matters.” She paused and looked out the window at the now dark sky. “Actually, we found each other again for a second time, even though we didn’t know it the first time.”

Clint watched her. “So anyway. I owe you.”

Steph turned back to him. “You can bet I am going to collect on that.”

He smirked. “No doubt.”

“Collect on what?” Natasha asked as she walked out in a silk bathrobe, wringing her red hair out with a towel.

Steph pointed her finger at Nat accusingly. “You owe me for interrupting us.”

Nat couldn’t quite fully hide the smirk that came to her face. “Oh. That.” She waved her hand dismissively. “You shouldn’t have been having sex on the couch.”

“You’ve done it!”

“Yes, but I have no shame. I wouldn’t have stopped just because someone came home.” Nat finished toweling off her hair and draped the towel over the back of one of the kitchen chairs.

Steph and Clint exchanged glances, but he had a big, amused smile on his face. He just shrugged when she raised an eyebrow. “Well, since my night is over, I’m going to bed. See you two later. Please try not to be too loud.” Steph waved and moved passed them towards her room.

“Night!” Nat called after her.

Steph could hear them talking in quiet whispers as she got ready for bed, but she cut it off by closing her bedroom door. She dropped face-down into her pillow, and was about to go to sleep like that, but she checked her phone before she settled in. There was a text from Bucky that she hadn’t felt come in.

_By the way, I still love you even though you have a crazy roommate. Night._

Steph smiled into her pillow and sent back an, _I love you too. Night_. Even with Nat’s little interruption or test or whatever she tried to do, it was still a good evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You finally get to see my take on Bucky's left arm for this fic. I really don't like the metal arm thing in modern/no powers AUs, because it feels way too unrealistic. But I still wanted something to be up with it, hence the injury.
> 
> Comic Con was amazing! I'm totally exhausted and worked over ten hour days for the past five days, but I still enjoyed being there. And I found some youtubers I follow! And I took pictures of so many Captain America cosplayers, both male and female.


	7. Chapter 7

It was actually an uneventful night when Steph and Bucky finally did sleep together. They hadn’t planned it out, and she hadn’t tried to get her roommates out of the apartment. More often than not, they were at her place, since he lived with three other guys. Therefore, her place tended to be much cleaner. And the Howling Commandos had a tendency to practice at all hours of the day, much to the chagrin of their neighbors. Steph liked Bucky’s friends. She thought they were fun. But they were a handful.

Steph sat on her bed with her legs straight out in front of her towards the edge of the bed, and her back against the wall. She idly sketched, practicing shading and tones. Bucky lay lengthwise along her bed with his head resting on the side of her thigh, so he wouldn’t get in her way. He had found an old paperback on her bookshelf and was reading it while she drew. Every now and then he would mutter about some event in the book, and she would brush his hair back so she could smile down into his face. Once he reached up so he could kiss her upside down. It was such an awkward position that they both laughed.

Nat and Maria had come and gone all day. It was a lazy, rainy Saturday, and neither of them felt very motivated to do anything, since they were both perfectly content to just relax in each other’s company. Maria complained about having to go out in the rain to get to work. Natasha tried to rouse them to go eat, but Steph turned her down. She shrugged and decided to go out on her own anyway.

So they suddenly found themselves alone in the apartment. Again.

The quiet was a bit overwhelming at first, but the patter of raindrops against Steph’s bedroom window broke it up soothingly. She didn’t say anything as she kept her eyes on her sketch. Every now and then she would hear the rustle of a page turning as Bucky read.

After a little while, Steph set her sketchpad and her pencil to her side and turned her head so she could look out the window. There wasn’t much visible through the rain, which had started coming down harder, despite the earlier weather report that had said it would let up around dusk. Even through the rain, though, she could tell the sun had set. She hadn’t realized it had gotten that late. It felt like they hadn’t done anything all day.

She heard Bucky shift, and she looked back down to see he had the book closed, resting on his stomach. He smiled up at her and met her eyes. So she smiled back and gently combed her fingers through his hair. She liked playing with his hair since she didn’t have long hair herself. Sometimes she missed it, but whenever she watched Bucky get his hair tangled up in his face, she was thankful for her short hair.

“Finish the book?” she asked.

“Nah. Got bored,” he responded.

Steph chuckled and stretched her arms above her head to work out her shoulders since she had spent a while hunched over her sketchbook. Bucky took the opportunity to push himself up with his right hand. He twisted his head to work out the crick in his head he was sure to have after lying like that for hours.

When he turned to face her, Steph let her arms fall back to her sides. The mood in the room changed from lethargic to charged in only a moment. They reached for each other at the same time, Steph with her hand clutched in Bucky’s shirt, and Bucky with his right hand around the back of Steph’s neck. Their mouths crashed together, and Steph twisted onto her knees to get a better angle for the kiss.

He also moved to his knees and pulled her closer as he did, until their bodies were pressed flush up against each other. Before she could second guess anything, she mumbled, “Bucky…” against his lips, and managed to extract herself. She scrambled off the bed and went to the bedroom door to close and lock it. Understanding her intention, Bucky quickly swept her sketchbook and pencil and the book off the bed.

She planned to rejoin him on the bed, but as soon as she got close enough again, she tangled her fingers in his hair and leaned down to kiss him, with one foot still on the floor and one knee on the bed. Bucky wrapped his arm around her waist and dragged her the rest of the way onto the bed. The motion caught her off guard, and she lost her balance, which sent her toppling down onto the bed with him on top of her.

She just giggled and propped herself up on one elbow as she brought their lips together again. His hand found the edge of her T-shirt; it was actually her favorite weekend T-shirt. She pushed him back slightly so she could sit up and pull the shirt over her head, completely unembarrassed. They had certainly messed around several times by that point, even if they hadn’t had sex. Bucky moved his lips to kiss along her bare shoulder and up the side of her neck, while his fingers ghosted along her stomach.

Steph hummed in contentment. She had one hand behind her to support her weight, and the other was eagerly running through Bucky’s hair. He moved one hand to her lower back, which allowed her to sit up more and tug on his T-shirt. He didn’t want to separate, so she had to wrestle his shirt off, and both of them laughed when it got stuck. She scooted closer again by wrapping her legs around his hips. He returned to sucking on her neck, and when he kissed down her shoulder again, he moved one of her bra straps out of the way to have more access to bare skin. So she reached behind her and just got rid of the damn thing.

Bucky’s lips moved lower so he could lick along her collarbones. They stood out a bit prominently as Steph was so skinny. While he couldn’t clench his left hand into a fist, he still could keep it pressed flat against Steph’s lower back while his right fingers ran up and down her spine. Steph’s senses felt like they were working overtime, so she was hyper aware of everywhere he was touching.

She traced her fingers along the muscles on his chest, with no feeling of urgency at all. Bucky was pretty well built, even though it wasn’t out of necessity anymore. He said it was a habit to keep in shape, and had worked especially hard at it to make up for his injury. Steph had to admit she liked it.

As Bucky kissed lower, Steph arched her back into his touch to give him more room. He glided his lips down the rise of one breast, and she titled her head back as she closed her eyes and bit her lower lip. When he did close his mouth around one nipple and bite down gently, she couldn’t stop the moan that escaped. She fumbled a bit to reach between them without looking and unbuckle his belt. She didn’t even try to get it off, but instead moved it out of the way to unzip his pants and dive her hand in.

He bit down on her other nipple perhaps harder than he had meant to when her hand wrapped around him. She just groaned in ecstasy, and gripped his upper arm with her other hand to hold herself up. She slid her hand up and down and he tried to keep up what he was doing, but he couldn’t concentrate with her actions. So he tipped her back onto the bed, which broke them apart abruptly.

Steph collapsed back and looked up at him. “Hey,” she said, but with no anger in her voice.

He just laughed and kissed her stomach while he worked at undoing her pants and tugging them and her underwear down her legs. She helped kick them off since she was wearing skinny jeans. “How do you normally get these off?” he asked in exasperation, which just made her laugh. She actually had to reach down and help him drag the cuffs off her feet. Since she was already leaning over, she took the opportunity to likewise get the rest of his clothes off.

Now that they were completely naked, Bucky leaned over her with his hands propped up on either side of her head. She relaxed fully back into the bed and looked up at him. They stayed like that for a moment, neither speaking, just searching each other’s faces, though Steph wasn’t really sure what she was searching for.

Bucky gently brushed his fingers against her cheek, and then he leaned down and kissed her softly. Steph leaned up into the kiss and put her hand on his arm. They didn’t really talk much after that. Thankfully, both of them had condoms just in case, since they both knew this was coming eventually. When he was finally inside her, she titled her head back and groaned, exposing her throat to his open-mouthed kisses.

He snaked his right hand up her arm and laced their fingers together, while pinning her arm to the bed above her head with his whole forearm. She squeezed his hand tightly and wrapped her legs around his waist to pull him in deeper. Her other hand held onto the back of his neck like some kind of lifeline.

The sounds of their groans, moans, breaths, and gasps were punctuated by fat drops of rain hitting the window. Every now and then one of them would say, “Oh god, you feel so good…” and then other would say, “I love you, I love you so much.” But then words escaped them completely the more they moved together.

After they both came, and their energy and high were descending again, they stayed together, both breathing hard. Bucky rested his forehead against Steph’s shoulder, and she tenderly stroked her fingers through his sweaty hair, while she squeezed his other hand, which was still pinning her arm above her head. Neither of them particularly felt like moving, and Steph saw no reason to. But they did readjust into a more comfortable position.

It was full dark outside, and since Steph had no clock in her room, she had no idea how late it was. Since she figured neither of them was going anywhere any time soon, she crawled out of the bed, which made Bucky make an unhappy noise, so she could turn the light off. She quickly moved back under the warmth the covers provided and moved close against his skin. He wrapped his arms around her and turned his face into her neck. That was the position they were in when they drifted off.

 

The first thing Steph noticed when she woke up the next morning was that she was naked. She was still in that half awake state where she hadn’t completely taken in her environment. So she focused on the one thing, because it stuck out to her. She usually never slept naked, so she couldn’t understand why she wasn’t wearing clothes.

And then she felt Bucky’s arm around her waist, and his chest pressed against her back. She turned her head and saw he was still asleep. She smiled lightly and twisted so she could kiss the side of his head. Then she carefully slipped out of his warm arms, making sure not to wake him. She dug pajama pants and a shirt out of her dresser, foregoing underwear completely, and made her way out to the kitchen. She was especially careful to close her bedroom door behind her.

It was apparently later in the morning than Steph had thought, because she found Natasha sitting at the table, with her laptop open in front of her as she ate cereal. At least she had been kind enough to make coffee. Steph stopped when she saw her, and then tentatively moved around the table. She pulled down one mug, and kept her hand raised as she contemplated grabbing a second one. After a moment of hesitation, she figured what the hell, and grabbed another one.

When she turned back around, she found Nat watching her. A small smirk crept across her face as she watched Steph busy herself pouring two cups of coffee. “So,” she said after a moment of awkward silence, “did you have a good night?”

“Yes,” Steph said without any elaboration. “What time did you get home?”

Nat shrugged. “Probably sometime after. Your door was closed, and your light was off. But…” She pointed towards the front door. Along with Natasha, Maria, and Steph’s various shoes, Bucky’s boots were sitting there. “So I was quiet.”

Steph raised both eyebrows as she looked at Natasha. “No more tests or pranks?”

“Nope.” Nat smiled. “Like Hill said, you deserved to get laid.”

Steph rolled her eyes. “Where is Maria, anyway?”

Nat shrugged again. “She didn’t say. But she told me to tell you congratulations.”

“You two are ridiculous,” Steph said as she shook her head.

“That we are,” Nat agreed. “So what are you plans for today?”

“Probably stay in bed until a lack of food forces us out.”

Natasha laughed as Steph made her way back around the table and towards the bedroom. She carefully held both mugs by their handles in one hand as she opened the door. She tried to close it quietly, but a soft, “Hey…” made her turn around.

Bucky was awake. He yawned widely and sat up. His hair was a mess, completely tangled, probably from the everything she had done last night. He ran his fingers through it to try to push it out of his face. It almost made her want to jump him again, especially considering he was still naked.

Instead, she said, “Morning,” and made her way back over to the bed. She sat down on the edge and offered him one of the mugs. He took it gratefully and leaned over to kiss her shoulder.

“Morning,” he replied, and then he took a long drink of the coffee.

Steph sipped her own and then leaned down to set the mug on her bedside table. “How’d you sleep?” she asked as she leaned back towards him.

“Pretty good, actually.” He set his own mug on the floor and then leaned forward to kiss her softly, with no heat behind it at all. Steph leaned into the kiss and put her hand against his bare chest. She decided she would be okay if every single morning went this way. Because this felt perfect.

True to her word, she didn’t leave the bed again until several hours later. She even discarded her clothes once more so they could have less urgent morning sex. She didn’t get dressed again until they needed food. And by then they both desperately also needed a shower. Only the fact that Nat was still in the apartment kept them from taking the shower together.

When Bucky got home, late in the day, his friends immediately knew what had happened, considering he had been gone for the better part of twenty-four hours, as he told her through texts later that night. She would have been perfectly content to have him stay another night, but they both had work in the morning.

After that first night, it didn’t take them long to start leaving changes of clothes at each other’s places. And it didn’t take long after that for them to spend almost every night together, whether at her apartment or his. They were once again as inseparable as they had been as kids, though for completely different reasons. They had come full circle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may have miscounted how many chapters I actually have. Oops. So there are two more chapters after this, not one. But we're into the home stretch. And look! Sexy tiemz!


	8. Chapter 8

Things were good. Things were great. They had their routine. They had their friends. And they were madly, madly in love, according to absolutely everyone. Steph didn’t even know it was possible to be this happy. Every now and then she felt like she had to pinch herself just to make sure it was all real. She didn’t think anything could bring them down from their high. Until something did.

Steph sat on the couch browsing the internet on her laptop, with her legs folded under her and her back against the armrest. Bucky flipped through channels on the TV. He couldn’t settle on anything, and his face was stuck in a permanent scowl. He had come in clearly angry about something, but rather than tell her what it was, he stewed away quietly. She didn’t want to push him since she figured if he wanted her to know, he would say.

Eventually, he turned the TV off and leaned back into the couch with a groan of frustration. “My dad’s in town,” he said without any preamble.

Steph looked at him and then carefully closed her laptop so she could move it aside. She readjusted so she was sitting next to him. “Is that what’s been bugging you all day?”

“Yeah…” He looked down at his hands. “He’s here for some conference or something. He wants…” Bucky’s face screwed up into a baffled frown. “He wants to meet for dinner while he’s here.”

“Oh.” Steph knew how Bucky felt about his father. And from the way he described the man, she couldn’t really blame him. “What are you going to do?”

“Dunno. Probably just do it. It’s easier than dealing with his guilt trip. Also…” He glanced at her. “He found out I have a girlfriend, so he wants you to come too.”

Steph blinked in surprise. “Oh.” She didn’t really know what to say to that.

“But you don’t have to.” He turned on the couch to face her. “I can just tell him you’re busy. I wouldn’t want to have to put you through dinner with that man.” He looked away darkly.

“No, it’s okay, Bucky.” She gently touched his hand, which made him look back at her. “I’ll go. I can be there for moral support.” She tried to smile.

He looked at her levelly. “You sure?” His tone of voice made it seem like he fully expected her to back out, like he was asking her to go into a warzone, or something.

“Yeah,” she said. “I’ll go so you don’t have to deal with him alone.” She smiled again, and this time the smallest smile curved his lips as well.

He shook his head. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Hey.” She punched his arm gently. “No talking like that. Besides, I’m not a consolation prize that you earn. I’m with you because I love you. And if loving you means helping you deal with your dad, then I’ll do that.”

He laughed outright. “You are amazing.” Before she could reply, he leaned forward and kissed her. “Okay. But fair warning, he’s… he’s a lot to handle.”

She squeezed his hand. “I can deal with it.”

While Bucky continued to smile, he still looked uncertain. It wasn’t exactly like she’d never met his father before, though. Surely it would be okay.

 

So Bucky talked to his father and they arranged something. The place they chose wasn’t overly nice, but it wasn’t one of the dives they were used to going to. Despite the calm Steph tried to project, she was nervous. Bucky’s unhappy mood had rubbed off on her, and she had started to expect something bad to happen.

As they hung onto the pole in the subway car, Steph moved one hand to smooth down her dress one more time. It was a light-colored summer dress, which she didn’t wear much, under which she wore tights and flats. Somehow, she thought the combat boots wouldn’t be a very good way to present herself. Nat had even helped her with a little bit of makeup as she didn’t normally wear the stuff. She wasn’t trying to impress Bucky’s father, per se, but she thought if she could look normal for a change, things might go smoothly.

Bucky, however, did not dress up for his father. He still wore his leather jacket, and boots, and dark jeans. The only noticeable difference was that he had tied his hair back. It was harder to tell how long his hair was that way. Steph had been so surprised when she saw him, because she realized it was the first time she had ever seen him put his hair back.

She shifted again and took his left arm, since she couldn’t hold his hand. Squeezing it too hard would cause him pain, and he could never squeeze her hand back, so he didn’t like to use his left hand. But he was holding one of the handholds with his right, so she looped her hand around his arm. Over the racket of the car, she said, “Did you tell him who I am?” she asked.

He glanced down at her. “You mean that we were friends as kids and that he should know you?”

She nodded.

“No…” He looked away again. His whole body was tense. He was preparing for a fight, she just knew it. “I barely talked to him. So...We’ll see…”

Steph looked out the window, but could only see the walls of the tunnel rushing by, broken up every now and then by a yellow light, which whipped out of sight just as fast. “I’m sure it will be fine…” She said it too quietly for him to hear, though.

When they got to the restaurant, Bucky’s father was already there. They were directed to a small, square four-person table. Mr. Barnes did not rise to greet them, so they awkwardly took their seats. Bucky sat across from his father, which forced Steph to the side between them. She laced her fingers together in her lap under the table, because she kept fidgeting.

Bucky’s father nodded at them, and said, “James. Good to see you again.”

Steph frowned and glanced at Bucky. She couldn’t actually remember if his dad used to call him James or Bucky when they were kids, but she knew Bucky’s mom had used his nickname.

“Hi… Dad,” Bucky said slowly. He half turned towards Steph and said, “This is Steph.” He paused, and then said, “Steph Rogers.”

Mr. Barnes nodded. “George Barnes. Nice to meet you.”

“Dad, you know her. Steph _Rogers_ ,” he said for emphasis. His dad only looked at him blankly. “We were friends in middle school. And neighbors.”

George looked at Steph again, and she smiled weakly, trying to look nice. “Oh. The Rogers girl. Single motherly, sickly, right?”

The smile dropped off Steph’s face. Beside her, Bucky glared hard at his father. But it wasn’t worth the fight. The man probably didn’t even realize what he had said. So she tried the smile on again. “Yeah, that’s right… It’s nice to meet you again.”

“Didn’t know you two were still in contact.” George directed this back at Bucky.

“We weren’t,” he said. “We met up again by coincidence.”

“And started dating?” George asked.

Luckily, the waiter came over to take their drinks orders at that moment, which subverted what was sure to be an awkward line of questioning. Steph didn’t particularly feel like explaining the details of their relationship, and she had a feeling Bucky didn’t either. George already had a beer in front of him, and Bucky didn’t even hesitate to order one. So Steph just had water. She sipped it slowly as she watched the two men. Perhaps the waiter could sense the tension, because he brought the drink quickly. Bucky drank a third of it in one go.

“You still have that long hair, I see,” George said.

“Yeah, I do,” Bucky said as he set the glass back on the table.

George frowned. “Don’t you think it’s about time you cut it? You can’t expect anyone is going to hire a punk with long hair.” He shook his head. “It’s unprofessional.”

“It’s not unprofessional.” From the way Bucky said it, Steph assumed this was an argument they had had many times. He sounded weary of the conversation. “And I like it like this.”

“It’s ridiculous.” He nodded his head at Steph. “Your girlfriend here has shorter hair than you.”

Steph touched her hair self-consciously. So Bucky slipped his hand under the table and found hers to squeeze it, since she was sitting to his right side. “So?” he asked.

George fully turned to Steph this time. “Don’t you think it’s weird for a man to have long hair?”

“I…” Steph started in surprise. She hadn’t expected this whole thing to go south so quickly. They hadn’t even eaten yet. “No,” she said.

George looked at her levelly. “Well, you do have that short hair. It’s a bit of a lesbian haircut, isn’t it?”

“Dad!” Bucky said, anger laced in his voice. Steph squeezed his hand tightly to keep him in his seat.

“Well, I don’t really think your haircut determines your sexuality, or your sexuality means you have to get a specific haircut,” Steph said as calmly as she could.

George took another drink from his beer. “You’re not worried people are going to think you’re a lesbian?”

“Not really,” Steph said.

He shrugged like he was just giving helpful advice. Steph was beginning to wonder if this man had any kind of filter at all. No wonder Bucky clashed with him whenever they met. He was nothing if not brutally honest about what he thought.

Beside her, Bucky was still seething, so Steph decided to redirect the conversation. “You’re still in the army, right?”

“Yes,” George said. He didn’t seem to notice the shift at all. “Though I do mostly civilian work now. That’s why I’m here, actually. Big conference this weekend. I thought it’s been a while since I’ve seen my son, so we should meet up.”

“So you’re still in Virginia, then?” Steph asked. She already knew this. Bucky had mentioned it, since he had pointedly not moved back there when he got discharged.

“Yes, at Fort Lee. I work with the training program.”

Steph nodded, even though she had no idea how to continue the conversation. She didn’t know a lot about the military, and Bucky never wanted to talk about it. She had a feeling that Bucky had been involved in some pretty dark stuff that was way beyond what his father ever did stationed in the United States.

“James, you could join,” George said. “You wouldn’t have to do this temp job hunting. And you are already experienced.”

“I’m done with the army,” Bucky said. Steph had a feeling this was also a common discussion between them.

“It’s just a suggestion,” George continued. He didn’t sound very pushy.

“I know. And I’m saying no.” Bucky took another long gulp of his beer. He wasn’t exactly a light-weight like she was, but it couldn’t be helping his mood.

“How is the arm, by the way?”

Bucky set the glass down perhaps harder than he had meant to. “It’s fine.” His voice was hard. His body language very obviously said he did not want to talk about it, but George pressed on anyway. Either he didn’t notice, or he didn’t care.

“Any improvement?” George sounded honestly interested in the answer, not like he was concerned for Bucky’s well-being, but like he was concerned for his productivity.

“No,” Bucky said. “That’s not going to change.”

“Not if you don’t try. If you train, you could get it back in working order.”

“My arm isn’t _broken_ ,” Bucky’s voice rose. A few people at a nearby table glanced over. “It can’t be _fixed_. The damage is permanent. You know that!”

“Bucky…” Steph said quietly. This was not going well at all.

“No, I know the doctors said with surgery and physical therapy, you can go back into active service,” George said. “But you’re being lazy.”

Apparently that was the last straw. Bucky’s patience snapped and he stood up, almost knocking his chair over. “I don’t want to go back. What the fuck is your problem? Can’t you be a normal person for once in your life instead of a commander?” He dug out his wallet so he could slam money on the table to cover his beer, and then he turned on his heel and stormed out of the restaurant.

Steph rose to her feet. “Bucky!” she called after him. She glanced back at George, but he only sat there with his arms crossed and refused to look at her.

“What a child,” he said.

She didn’t want to get into it with him, so she chose to follow Bucky out. She had to run to catch up to him, but he wasn’t trying to get away from her. “Bucky!” she called again when she reached his side.

“He can’t fucking be civil to anyone,” Bucky muttered to himself. “I’m sorry I made you come to this sick charade, Steph,” he said as he shook his head. “I can’t believe he talked to you like that.” His eyes were hard. “Actually, no, I can.”

“Bucky,” she said again, this time much more calmly. “Stop. Look at me.” She stepped in front of him and touched his arm. He did stop walking, but he didn’t meet her eyes. “Are you okay?”

“I’m pissed.”

“Clearly. But all that stuff he said…”

Bucky groaned and crossed his arms. His left hand kept twitching in agitation. Steph wondered if that was something to do with his injury. “It’s all bullshit. I’ve long since stopped taking any of his crap seriously.”

“But it still got to you…”

“Cause that’s what he’s good at. Every time I see him, he tells me how I’m doing everything in my life wrong!” He tore the hair tie off, and ran his fingers through his hair repeatedly. “Fuck him.”

“He’s still your father,” Steph said calmly.

“I didn’t chose him.” Bucky’s temper seemed to be going back down, but it was being replaced with something colder. Steph wished he would just look at her.

“You expected this to happen?” Steph asked.

“Yeah. Knew he couldn’t help himself.”

Steph stayed quiet. Yeah, George Barnes hadn’t had much tact, but Bucky had been extremely quick to anger and turn it into a fight.

Bucky sighed and finally looked down at her. “Look, I’m going to go back to my place tonight. I need time to myself.” He stepped around her. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” He shoved his hands in his pockets and started to walk off.

“Okay…” Steph said lamely as she watched him. She didn’t try to change his mind because she knew there was no point. He was right. He did need time to cool off. So she went home alone.

Natasha and Maria listened quietly as she told them about the disaster that had been their attempt at dinner with Bucky’s father. As consolation, the girls ordered them Chinese food and insisted they would pay for it.

Steph kept her phone on the table the whole night and kept glancing at it, expecting something from Bucky. But so far, he hadn’t sent any kind of message.

“You could just text him, yourself,” Nat pointed out as she jabbed her chopsticks at Steph.

“I don’t want to bug him if he doesn’t want to talk,” Steph said quietly.

It was weird to sleep by herself that night. She hadn’t even realized how used to Bucky’s presence she had become over the past month. Her bed felt too large, and too cold without him there. So despite what she had told Natasha, she dragged her phone over and quickly typed out, _Love you. Night._

She didn’t expect a response, but she hoped. After ten minutes of quiet, she was prepared to just fall asleep. But then her phone buzzed and almost slid off the bedside table. She had to scramble to catch it.

_Love you, Steph. Really, I love you. I’m sorry._

Steph smiled to herself and sent back a few assurances. They exchanged a couple more texts before she did drift off.

 

They decided to meet up after work the next day, and agreed to not mention Bucky’s father, or the awful dinner. It was a toxic topic for Bucky, and he had no desire to speak with his father any time soon. He did apologize to her for his attitude, though. Unfortunately, she was the one who broke the promise. Though she had a good reason.

When she grabbed coffee from the local coffee shop around the corner from her office, as she had been too tired to make coffee that morning, she turned around and found herself face to face with George Barnes. Apparently his hotel was somewhere in the area. He seemed just as surprised to find her standing there, in her work clothes.

“Oh,” he said when he saw her. “It’s you.”

Steph could have been polite. But quite honestly, the man she loved was hurting because of this person. And, thinking back even further, he was the reason she and Bucky had fallen out of contact all those years ago in the first place. So no, she wasn’t going to be polite.

“Don’t you have any shame?” she said without even a hello. He seemed even more surprised by her angry reaction, as she she hadn’t shown any sign of being angry the previous evening. “How can you treat your son like that?”

“It’s none of your business,” he said back darkly.

“He’s your only family,” she said loudly. It was a small place, so everyone else trying to get their morning buzz could see and hear them. But she didn’t care. Here she was, a tiny slip of nothing standing up to a bulky military man. “You don’t treat your family like that!”

“The intricacies of our family are no concern of yours. You’re just a girlfriend.”

“It’s more of a concern for me than you.” She put her hand on her chest and said with as much emphasis as she could, “I _love_ him. And I care about him. Which are apparently more than you can even do. So don’t talk to me about what is and isn’t my concern.” She squeezed the paper cup of coffee in her other hand, and hoped her hand wasn’t shaking. The last thing she needed was to spill coffee all over herself. “I love him and accept him for how he is now. If you can’t do that, you might as well return to Virginia and never come back. Bucky would be better off without you.” Before she could work herself up more, she swiftly stepped around him and marched out of the coffee shop. The whole place was silent as she left.

She managed to walk about a hundred yards before her legs turned to jelly and she had to lean against the brick facade of a building and catch her breath. She shakily ran her hand over her face and could feel the adrenaline still pumping through her veins. She took several long sips of coffee, with the hope the hot liquid would calm her nerves. After her hands had steadied, she pulled out her phone and dialed Bucky’s number.

“Please pick up…” she whispered as she listened to it ring.

“Hey,” his voice said from the other end. “What’s up?”

Steph took a deep breath, and then said in one burst, “So I just ran into your father in a coffee shop and yelled at him in front of a group of strangers and then stormed out of there and I might have said some really mean things and I hope you’re not mad at me for bringing this up but I couldn’t be face to face with him again and not say something because I can’t believe anyone would act like that around a family member.”

“Woah, slow down, Steph. You _what_?”

“I saw your father again.” She paused. “And I yelled at him.”

“Oh.” Bucky sounded more amused than upset. “What did you say?”

“That if he couldn’t accept you, he should leave and never come back.” Her voice was quiet and small. She felt completely ridiculous now, whereas a few minutes ago she had been filled with righteous fury.

Bucky laughed loudly. “My god, I love you,” he said at last.

Steph smiled to herself. She scuffed her shoe against the concrete. “Can I see you?”

“Yeah,” he said quickly. “I think this calls for a sick day.”

Steph nodded vigorously, even though he couldn’t see her. They agreed to meet up, with no real plan in mind. As soon as she saw him, she couldn’t help running into his arms and kissing him hard. He held her tightly as kissed her with just as much passion.

When they pulled back, he kept her close, with their foreheads pressed together. They didn’t care they were out in public, and in fact blocking the flow of foot traffic. “Who needs him?” he said. “I’ve got you. You’re all I need.”

Steph just smiled and kissed him again. They spent the rest of the day wandering, with no destination in mind. They even did a couple of the tourist things, since neither of them had actually ever done that. A couple times, they used their local know-how to help some lost tourists. Surprisingly, it was the most fun either of them had had in a long time. By the end of the day, Bucky’s father was the last thing they were thinking of.

Apparently he had gone back to Virginia without a word to Bucky, as she found out later. He waited a little while, but he did contact Bucky again. The reason he told her this, and the thing that absolutely stunned him, was that his father had apologized, if reluctantly. He said he hadn’t realized Bucky thought he didn’t care about him.

“He’s still an ass,” Bucky said matter-of-factly. “And I’m not ready to see him again. But he’s… well, he said he’s going to try to be better.” Bucky met her eyes. “And I guess I have you to thank for this.”

Steph didn’t know what to say to this, but Bucky didn’t need her to say anything. As it turned out, having her with him had helped, after all. So it had still been a disaster, but at least there was hope for a more positive outcome the next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Conflict! Because it can't be all happy love times. Only one chapter left!


	9. Chapter 9

“You’re sure this is okay?” Bucky asked for what felt like the dozenth time as he turned to look at Steph in his train seat.

Steph just laughed. “Yes, I am absolutely positively sure this is okay.”

“I don’t want to intrude,” he said uncertainly as he looked at her.

“Bucky, we are on the train. We are on our way there. You were _invited_.”

They had had some variation of the same conversation for the past two weeks ever since Steph had asked Bucky to come have Thanksgiving dinner with her and her mother. It was his first real Thanksgiving stateside since high school, not including the previous year, which he’d spent in the hospital. There was no way he was going to spend it with his father, considering the disaster of their previous encounter last month. So Steph invited him to come with her.

She had even explained how it wouldn’t be intruding on their small family, because Natasha normally came. That year, though, she was spending Thanksgiving with Clint’s family. Natasha’s parents were a mystery Steph had never solved. She didn’t even know if they were dead or not. But Nat had been raised by an elderly uncle who never bothered with anything like family holidays. So as soon as Steph had found out, she insisted Natasha come to Steph’s house for Thanksgiving back in high school. Even though it was just Steph and her mom, they always tried to have a decent Thanksgiving meal each year. Nat came back the next year, and the year after that, until it became a tradition. Once, even Maria joined them as she didn’t feel like flying home that year.

At first, Nat actually felt extremely guilty about abandoning Steph that year. That was, until she found out Steph was planning to invite Bucky. “Good,” she said. Before leaving, she hugged Steph tightly, and didn’t joke or tease her at all. “Tell your mom I say hi.”

Bucky was even more nervous about meeting Steph’s mom than Steph had been about meeting his father, though for completely different reasons. She had already told her mom everything about Bucky. So when she said she was going to bring Bucky to Thanksgiving, her mother eagerly agreed.

His stipulation was that he had to contribute somehow. Since neither of them were any good at baking, however, they just bought a pie. When he suggested pumpkin, as it was traditional, she shot that down and instead opted for a crumble top apple pie. When he asked why, Steph carefully avoided his eyes and said it was her mom’s favorite.

The night before Thanksgiving, they sat in the semi-darkness of her bedroom, only half-dressed, as she explained the full scope of her mother’s illness. He knew there was something. Steph’s mom had been sick even when they were kids. But he never knew it was MS. And when Steph’s throat got thick, he held her and let her cry. The past couple of years, the decline had been faster, and she had had more and more attacks. So every year, Steph wasn’t sure if this would be the last Thanksgiving.

By the time they arrived at the house, though, Steph had a big smile on her face. She made Bucky hold the pie and her bag as she dug out her keys and found the right one for the front door. “Mom, we’re here!” she called out as she opened it.

“Steph?” her mother said from the living room.

“Yup!” They turned into the living room just as Steph’s mom pushed herself up from a armchair with a cane. She leaned heavily on the cane, but still met her daughter halfway across the room for the tight hug Steph enveloped her in. This was the only time Steph was the big one. Her mom was small and frail. But she still smiled happily and hugged Steph back.

When she stepped back, she looked over Steph’s shoulder to take in Bucky. “Oh my. This is that same Bucky Barnes?” She winked at Steph. “He’s gotten quite handsome, hasn’t he?”

“Mom.” Steph smiled in exasperation.

“Hello again, Mrs. Rogers,” Bucky said pleasantly. He held out his hand.

But she just shook her head and pulled Bucky into a hug. “Please, call me Sarah. We don’t have to be formal here. It is good to see you again, Bucky.”

Bucky looked at Steph in surprise, but then he did smile. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s good to see you again.” He stepped back and looked around. “Man, it’s been ages since I’ve been here.” His eyes landed on the photo that sat on the mantelpiece of Steph’s parents holding her when she was a very little baby. It was the only photo of all three of them that was ever taken before he was killed in a car crash. Apparently they had taken so many pictures of baby Steph that they hadn’t thought to get more of them as a family. Bucky’s eyes softened when he saw it. “Though it hasn’t changed much.”

“Well, welcome,” Sarah said as she shuffled back. She looked at Bucky for a moment, and then said, “And I am so sorry to hear about your mother. She was a wonderful woman.”

Bucky glanced at Steph, so Steph said, “I hope you don’t mind. I told…”

“It’s okay.” He looked back at Steph’s mom, and then took a breath and smiled. “Thank you. It does mean a lot.”

Sarah smiled. “From what I hear, she would be proud of who you’ve become.”

Bucky smiled sadly. “Thanks…”

Steph took his hand and squeezed it, which was what reminded her. “Oh, we brought a pie, by the way,” she said. She took the container from Bucky. “I’ll go put it in the kitchen.”

“Yes. We can stick it in the oven to warm up after we eat.” Sarah watched Steph walk to the kitchen. “And the food should be here soon.”

For the last couple of years, they had given up on all the hassle of actually cooking. Sarah had gotten too weak to slave over a hot oven for hours, and Steph sucked at it. Since it was usually such a small group, they ordered Thanksgiving dinner from one of the local restaurants that delivered it for that specific reason. That way, they were sure it was be edible.

When Steph returned to the living room, she found her mother was sitting back in her favorite chair, and Bucky had taken a seat on the couch. She dropped down next to him.

“So, Bucky.” Her mother had a bit of a mischievous gleam in her eye. “While my daughter had told me a lot about you, one thing she has remained mum on is how you two met again.”

Bucky laughed while Steph shook her head. “That’s because it’s…” she started to say, but she didn’t quite want to admit it was embarrassing.

“So I wasn’t hoping I could get it out of you. Surely you won’t refuse to tell.”

Bucky looked at Steph, a big smile on his face. “Sure.” He looked back at Sarah, the smile still on his face, but it changed, turned more inward. “I have three roommates who were in the army with me. When we came back, they said their dream was to start a band, so I had to promise them I'd watch their first official gig. It was this tiny little bar, and a weekday night, so I didn’t expect much out of it. But I still went. I had heard them play a million times, so I thought I would just sit there being bored the whole time.

“But then, strangely enough, I see this girl in the corner along the bar, drawing, of all things.” He smiled at Steph. “I was going to dismiss it, but I saw her turn the page, and she had done this incredibly detailed drawing of the band. I figured the guys would be mad if I didn’t at least see what that was about. So I went over to talk, but she was so engrossed in her drawing, that I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Really?” Steph asked in surprise.

Bucky smiled, but didn’t answer her question. “But her sketches were so amazing, that I kept watching her. And then she caught me at it, and I felt like a creep. I didn’t want to bother her. Rather than tell me off, she just went back to what she was doing. Only this time, she started to draw me.”

Steph colored red and turned her face into his arm. “Bucky…”

“And it was incredible. She was probably the most talented person I had ever seen.” Sarah smiled, but didn’t say anything. “So I had to say something.” He glanced down at Steph. “We started talking, and before I knew it, the guys had stopped playing. But I was an idiot. Here was this amazing girl, and I completely forgot to get her number or even her last name.

“I had no idea who she was,” he said as he looked back at Sarah. “And then I got caught up with one temp job ending and trying to find another one. The guys barely managed to drag me out of the apartment to come see them play a couple weeks later. I couldn’t stop kicking myself for missing that chance. I thought I was never going to see that girl again. But who should show up at that place but that same girl.” He looked at Steph and she met his eyes curiously. She wondered how he was going to explain that interaction.

“At first I was really happy to see her again. And I thought for sure this time I would get her number.”

“At first?” Sarah asked with a quirked eyebrow.

“Then she told me she was Steph Rogers, and I suddenly realized she was the same friend I’d had in middle school, all grown up.” He looked down at his hands. “I’d lost my mom shortly after we moved, and that was one reason we stopped talking. So I felt guilty about that and panicked. I didn’t even give her a chance before I had to get away. But I could tell she was hurt. And when I went back out to the main room fifteen minutes later, she was long gone.”

“Ah,” Sarah said. She didn’t say anything else, but it was clear this was the thing Steph hadn’t wanted to say.

“But I knew I had to apologize and explain things. Even without everything that had just happened, I owed an explanation to my old friend.” Steph carefully slipped her hand into his and he smiled at her. “Surprisingly enough, I found her back at that first bar. Even more amazing than that, she agreed to hear me out, and then forgave me for acting like a jerk.” He smiled and shook his head.

Steph smiled too and squeezed his hand. “Of course I forgave you.”

“And then one thing lead to another. And here we are.” His eyes didn’t leave hers as he said this. So she smiled and leaned up to kiss him. They almost forgot they had an audience until Sarah chuckled.

“I always knew this would happen some day. It was so clear how much you two loved each other.”

“Mom…” Steph said. Her face was still red.

“So I am happy you found each other again.”

The food arrived shortly after that. They had a very nice Thanksgiving dinner, that was about as informal as one could get, as they kept cracking jokes and making inappropriate dinner conversation. But it was never awkward. A warm feeling of contentment settled in Steph’s stomach as she leaned over to steal a bite of Bucky’s piece of pie. He said, “Hey,” and tried to stop her, but with no urgency behind it.

Sarah offered to let them stay over night, but they had already decided they were going to go back to the city. So she packed up most the leftovers and made them take it. She said she had ordered this much so they could take some to their roommates, anyway.

Steph leaned down to hug her mom as they hovered in the doorway. "Love you," she said. "I'll try to visit more."

Sarah nodded, and then motioned Bucky over so she could hug him as well. As he moved back, she grabbed his jacket sleeve and said, "My baby girl is the most precious thing I have. You take care of her."

Bucky smiled, and Steph opened her mouth to say something, but before she could, Bucky said, "She doesn't need taking care of."

Sarah smiled. "That is true. Then promise you will love her well."

Bucky smiled kindly and put his hand over hers on his arm. "That I do promise."

Sarah nodded, satisfied with the answer and let them go. They walked back to the train station in silence, each carrying a bag loaded down with containers of food. Once they were on the train, and had managed to find themselves seats, Steph leaned her head over to rest it on Bucky's shoulder. He looked down at her and then he ran his fingers through her hair, as she so often did to his.

"I promise to love you well, too," she said quietly.

"Steph... You know, I'm so happy I met you again. I'm not exaggerating when I say these past six months have been the best of my entire life. I never even knew I could be this happy." He shook his head in wonder.

She lifted her head so she could look at him. "Me too." She thought back to that first night, and wondered what would have happened if Natasha had shown up, if she hadn't sketched at all, hadn't caught his attention. They would have drifted right by each other, none the wiser. Like ships passing in the night, as the saying went. They wouldn't have even known what they missed. But they wouldn't be happy like that, even with other people. Because they were always trying to find each other again.

Steph gently took his hand and laced her fingers with his. He smiled down at her in response. "I love you," she said.

"I love you too."

"Always," she said. "Cause I'm with you," she smiled, "til the end of the line."

He smiled too. "Til the end of the line."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There it is! That's the end! I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I probably won't write anymore stuff in this AU, but based on the past year (wow, it's been over 14 months) I won't stop writing fics in this fandom any time soon. Especially Female!Steve fics.
> 
> (And yes, I had to throw "til the end of the line" in there. What would a Stucky fic be without that line?)


End file.
